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Jan 2, 2013
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How did the world end in 2012? With the soundbite. Amplified via the million-strong megaphone of the Internet, they became as viral as a smallpox epidemic, only slightly less life-threatening.

From ubiquitous pop songs to the search for intelligent life in the Senate, relive the Facebook-fueled pot-clanging that dominated 2012. Just excuse us if our eyes don't immediately mist up in nostalgia.


1. #SoCallMeMaybe


The Soundbite: “Before you came into my life I missed you so bad / And you should now that / I missed you so so bad”

We couldn't stand this song when Justin Bieber, then-girlfriend Selena Gomez, and their gang of barely-legals lip-synched to it and shot it to international stardom... But we totally got down with it when Solenn Heussaff, Belle Daza, and their hotpants-ed cohorst bumped and grinded to those glorious disco strings. By then, Gawker.com had dubbed it a “flawless pop song”, and Solenn et al. had made it possible to, without shame, agree. No other song could have dominated 2012...

2. #OppaGangnamStyle

The Soundbite: “Heeeeey...sexy lady!”

...except for this one. There's a certain delicious, ironic pleasure in contemplating the fact that, for all its massive popstar manufacturing machinery (as over-analyzed as anything that rolls off Samsung's factory lines), Korea's most famous cultural export of 2012 was from an overweight guy your officemate can dress as for Halloween. And then, all pleasure disappears when you have to listen to another damned parody for the fifteen-thousandth time.

(Click here to see FHM's list of the finest Gangnam Style parodies on the web.)

3. #Walkout

The Soundbite: “...”

We may struggle to remember all the bank-account details now, but the trial of “Chip Jastis” Corona had some far-reaching effects. It was in this trial that Miriam's wit would worm its way back into our hearts, JPE would finally have a thrilling last chapter for his memoir, Lito Lapid would pave the way for Tito Sotto, and SALN would become a household phrase. But the impeachment's standout moment was completely wordless: After delivering a fall-asleep-in-your-chair three-hour speech, the Chief Justice abruptly walks out of the Senate. The ballsy (and, according to Corona himself, medically motivated) possibly sealed the deal on CJ's conviction.

(Click here to read FHM's coverage of the Corona impeachment trial.)


4. #WillOfGod

Here are the most perplexing soundbites from Manila's mitred elite:

“I don't know if that's a coincidence or if God has a message for us that if we discuss this [the RH Bill], much suffering will be brought down upon us.” - Manila Auxiliary Bishop Borderic Pabillo

“Our President intends to kill 20 million children with a fountain pen...to sign the RH Bill into law.” - Archbishop Ramon Arguelles, comparing Noynoy Aquino to the Newtown, Connecticut shooter who massacred 20 children in the United States

“Lady Gaga is a cardholder, confirmed cardholder ng devil's worship. Whoever entertains her will be on the wrong side na.” - Archbishop Ramon Arguelles on the singer's Manila concert

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5. #OPMIsDead

The Soundbite: “Until the government and the media industries decide that local audiences deserve better, OPM will stay dead. And if I'm being whiny, sue me.” - Leloy Claudio

The Counter-Soundbites:
Toti Dalmacion: “There might never be another Eraserheads or Rivermaya equivalent...but to deny that there has been no improvement whatsoever after the good old '90s OPM days is unfounded.”

Ely Buendia (Esquire, December 2012): “I don't understand why people are all on about this 'OPM is dead' bullshit.”

Gang Badoy: Para sa akin, lahat ng musiko sa Pilipinas bayani. Mabuhay ang OPM.”

NEXT: Y'all know #Sinotto, yes?


WORDS: LIO MANGUBAT
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