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The Armed Forces of the Philippines  found it had too many generals and so offered an early retirement bonus: full annual benefits plus P100,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two parts of the the general’s body, with him getting to pick any pair of points he wished. The first man, an Air Force general, asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. Six feet. He walked out with a check of P7.2 million. The second man, an Army general, asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. Eight feet. He walked out with a check for P9.6 million. When the third general, a grizzled old Marine general, was asked what to measure, he said, “From the tip of my penis to the bottom of my testicles.” The pension man suggested that the general might like to reconsider it, pointing out the nice checks the two generals had received. The Marine insisted, so  the pension expert got the medical officer to do the measuring. The medical officer asked the general to drop his pants, placed the tape on the tip of the general’s penis and stopped. “My God!” he said. “Where are your testicles?” The general replied, “One in Sulu and the other in Tawi-Tawi. Keep measuring!”

ILLUSTRATION: JAYSON CONFESSOR
SENT BY ANGELO VALENZUELA

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