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8 Japanese Phrases To Tell Maria Ozawa At Her Autograph Signing Event Tomorrow

Find an excuse to leave your office or school early, file a sick leave, tell your professor to move that exam—for the sake of your manliness, BE THERE!
by Gelo Gonzales | Jun 25, 2015

Rare are the events that merit the full DROP-EVERYTHING-ELSE-YOU'RE-DOING-YOU-WOULDN'T-WANT-TO-MISS-THIS treatment. But tomorrow, June 26, 2015, we encounter one such happening.

Because tomorrow, legend-among-legends and everyone's childhood heroine Maria Ozawa will be signing your June 2015 issue of FHM Philippines, the cover of which features the AV beauty. The Autograph Signing will be held at The Plaza on the second floor of Newport Mall at Resorts World Manila from 4 p.m. to 8 p.m.

Yes, it starts at 4 p.m., buddy. So when we said that it requires the drop-everything-else treatment, we literally meant it. Find an excuse to leave your office or school early, file a sick leave, tell your professor to move that exam—for the sake of your manliness, BE THERE!

Even if you don't have a copy yet, just GO because you can buy the issue at the autograph signing venue itself! Be there early though because only 300 copies will be sold. We're expecting a huge crowd, so fall in line fast or you might miss you chance with Maria-chan as she'll only be ours until 8 p.m. 

Now, if you followed our advice, and you finally got your minute with Maria, what exactly do you tell her? She speaks fluent English, but why not try saying something in her native Japanese? Below's a guide, bro. (And no matter what happens, it's probably better NOT to tell her that you've downloaded her entire movie collection through some illegal torrent site!)


1)   "KON'NICHIWA
!" OR "KONBAWA!"

If your turn arrives within 4 to around 5:30 p.m., say hi to Maria with the popular Japanese greeting, kon'nichiwa. But if your turn arrives from 5:3o p.m. onwards, say konbawa—it's their term for good evening.


2)   "HAJIMEMASHITE!
"

The Japanese equivalent of "Nice to meet you!" and is used when meeting a person for the first time.


3)   "[Your Name] DESU"

Now, immediately after saying hajimemashite, follow it up by telling her your name. For the Juan dela Cruz's out there, here's an example: "Hajimemashite, dela Cruz desu!" Why the last name? It's because the Japanese never introduce themselves with their first name. Aside from family or close friends, the Japanese are rarely called by their given names.


4)   "ANATA WA TOTEMO KIREI DESU
"

Okay, so you've made it past the basic Japanese introduction. Now, it's time to flatter Maria with a compliment. This one's very straightforward as it simply means "You are very beautiful."


5)   "AISHITE IMASU
"

You're pretty familiar with this one thanks to Juday's 2004 movie. But did you know that this is merely a direct translation of "I love you"? In conversational Japanese, it's more common to say "Aishiteru yo."

Continue reading below ↓

And even then, did you know that the Japanese rarely express love openly through their words? Culturally, they are more comfortable with saying "Daisuki desu," which roughly means "I like you." You know what, say that instead!


6)  
"ANATANO DAI FAN'IMU"

So you're one of the biggest Filipino collectors of Ozawa's works. Let her know with this phrase that means "I'm a big fan of yours!"


7)   "ARIGATOU GOZAIMASU!"

The Japanese are a polite people. So make sure to express your gratitude to Maria after she's signed your copy. Signing autographs is tiring, bro. Appreciate it.


8)   JAPAN MADE ONEGAI SHIMASU!!!!!

You've thanked Maria three times already. The other people in line are getting antsy waiting for you to finish. The bouncer is now holding you by the collar. But before he throws you out completely, make sure to yell this one last message that means "Take me to Japan please!" 

 
THE THINGS YOU ABSOLUTELY SHOULD NOT SAY (UNLESS YOU'RE SUPER BRAVE OR SUPER IDIOTIC):

1)   "SAMISHIKUNAI? ORE WA SAMISHII. ISSHO NI ITE."
Translation: "Are you lonely? I'm lonely. Let's be together."
(Pick-up line via Timeout.jp)


2)  
"KIMI WA BOKU GA MACHIKOGARETEITA PURINSESU? "

Translation: "Are you the princess I've been waiting for all this time?"
(Pick-up line via Timeout.jp)


3)   "SUTEKINA OPPAI!"
Translation: "Nice boobs!"


4)   "YARASETE!"

Translation: "Let's fuck!"

(Pick-up line via Timeout.jp)


5)   "I WATCH YOUR MOVIES EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT."

Translation: You're a creep, and you're scaring Maria.


6)   "CAN I HAVE SOME OF YOU HAIR?"

Translation: See translation for item #5.


7)   "I NAMED MY DAUGHTER AFTER YOU. OZAWA DELA CRUZ."

Translation: Seriously man, you need some help.


Aaand that's it! Don't be a creep, FHM Nation! See you at the signing!

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