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Oct 12, 2015
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Ah, porn. The visual representation of our deepest physical fantasies. The great tissue annihilator that keeps the lonely ones company during a cold, cold night. To some, it also doubles as a crash course on sex ed filled with crappy dialogues and superhuman acts (OMG, can a girl really split like that?).

Looking beyond the writhing, entangled flesh though yields a reality we all know: porn is also highly unrealistic.

real life pornGIF via Metro.co.uk

real life porn scenariosGIF via Vaginalfantasy.com

Or is it?

A thread on social netw0rk-entertainment-content sharing-meme website Reddit recently asked its members if they have experienced porn scenarios (e.g. pizza delivery man, teacher and failing student, Mr. Plumber dude) in real life and, as expected, redditors were more than willing to chime in.

Yes, if we believe them, adult video scenes are closer to reality than we think.

But then again, this is the Internet so take what you'll read with a grain of salt.

Anyway, here are some of the choice responses:


This one's from a bro with the handle _Ryman_ who we think stayed as a pizza delivery guy for more kinky reasons:

"I was a pizza guy for 3 years. Delivered to this one cute girl. Anyhow handed her the pizza, had her sign and while she did she poked her booty out quite nicely. Then she had my attention. But typical me didn’t make any conversation. She handed me back the receipt asked if I had a FB. I said no, but I can give you my phone number. Minutes after I got in my car she texted me talking dirty stuff. So when I got off my shift I came back over and it happened. Didn’t happen on the spot, but I came back and got the job done shortly after. It counts. Right?"


This account from SA_Swiss sounds like a classic cougar attack (get it?):

"I went to a friends wedding in another country. As I arranged to go at the last minute I could not find a hotel room for the night. My friends divorced mother offered that I stay at her house. I’ve only seen her mother a couple of times before, but accepted to stay over. After everyone left to their hotel rooms, her mom and I were alone, a few drinks later we were naked on the couch and a few minutes later we were in the bedroom."

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ncarange
 is another cougar attack survivor:

"Airbnb! stayed at this woman’s house. She was only renting out one of the rooms and I just needed to stay for a night. Her profile said she cooks you breakfast and is a very warm and friendly person (50 year old female). She lived alone with just one cat so I could imagine she was pretty lonely. I introduced myself to her, we had some small talk and then I left to meet some friends downtown for a few beers. When i came back I went down to the kitchen to snag a glass of water and I shit you not, she was sitting there in just a bathrobe drinking a glass of wine. She poured me a glass as well, and I decided to take her up on her generous offer. As I was about to grab the glass of water she stood up and dropped her robe (amazing body for 50 years old!!) and she said 'or we can just skip to the fun part'"


ohioguy111
 tells us the perks of being a cable guy:

"I install cable for time warner. First job of the day is swapping a cable box for this cute black woman. Shes just in her robe and she’s giving me the eye the whole time I’m there. She gets a call from some guy and they’re arguing and I can tell it’s an ex or something. She hangs up and apologizes for getting into it with him. She tells me he’s white (I’m a shy little white guy) and that she loves white boys. I’m all finished and wrap up with my usual, 'is there anything else I can do for you?'"


Crookyn
, who was only 11 at the time, has a valid point:

Well... I guess my mom and step-dad were in one. He was a handyman who came over to fix our dishwasher. Next thing I new he was coming over nightly. 2 weeks in I asked my mom, 'Why don't you just replace the darn dishwasher? I'm sick of this guy over ever night....'"


Misstressv
had her bathroom renovated, so she had no choice but to stay at the motel...with a stranger (see where we're going with this?):

"Was having my bathroom renovated and the lead guy had hit on me once before when out to do maintenance. So, when he saw it was me, he quickly excused himself, left then 5 mins later I get a call asking me to meet him at a motel. We got it on every day for 2 weeks while my bathroom was being done."

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Ah, the old college undergrad and working girl scenario courtesy of PizzaTshirt:

"In college, I go home for the summer and live with my parents while working a summer job. I run out of checks one day and walk into a local branch of my national bank to order more. I'm pointed into an office where a girl just a little older than I am is sitting behind a desk. She sees me and smile. While ordering the checks, we get to small talk and I find out she's new to the area and has just graduated. The bank job is her first right out of school. We begin to flirt a bit and I notice how Damn good she looks in blazer. Finally, she asks for my address to put on the check headers and I give her my home address. She freezes, smiles, and then tells me she just moved in down the street from me. We laugh about it and I tell her few things about my lifelong neighbors. It was almost 5 and she told me that if I wanted to wait around, she was going to grab a beer after work. I did. We fucked in the bank parking lot less than 20 mins later and then almost every night for the rest of the summer."


If you want to read the rest of the BS thread replies, click here.

How about you, FHM Nation? We know you've also got a lot of steamy deets to spill! Email us at
iwanttobeonfhmphil@gmail.com your true stories (it might make it to our pages!); we're always ready to listen!

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