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Jul 24, 2015
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News of RnB hitmaker Chris Brown being stuck in Manila have been hogging headlines as of late, and we here at the FHM HQ couldn't care less...

Reports indicate that the "With You" singer was barred from leaving the country a day after his one-night gig at the SM Mall of Asia Arena. Apparently, Chris had been placed under the our government's immigration lookout bulletin in connection to his no-show at a New Year's Eve concert last December 31 at the Philippine Arena.

It was said that the international recording artist had already been paid to perform, before pulling a Houdini at the last minute. #NotCool

Chris, for his part, seems unfazed with all the racket. He even made fun of the situation on his Instagram account, but took the videos down a few hours after posting it. Here's one of 'em:


Video via Pinoy Showbiz Latest

Here's the transcript: "Can somebody please tell me what the f*ck is going on? I don't know, I'm reading headlines after headlines. What the f*ck? That's really what the f*ck I wanna know. What the f*ck is going on?"

The clips appear to be his call for help—he captioned the other video, where he kneels while asking the heavens if he could leave already, with "Obama!!!!" The US president, though, might not even bother to notice him, especially with Chris's track record, which includes cases of domestic violence (We love you, Rihanna!), multiple rehab stints, and occasional brawls. Him getting stuck in Manila might actually be a good thing...for America.

In his defense, Brown explained his side through a tweet, pointing out that the misunderstanding is really between the show's two different promoters.

As of this writing TMZ has reported that Brown has already flown to Hong Kong while local media outlets insist that he's still barred from leaving the Philippines. The bemusing turn of events got us thinking: What if President Obama really got hold of the "SOS message" and didn't take too well the idea of their citizen being held in custody? What if Chris's homeland sees past his bleak history and even regards him as a national treasure because of his contributions to the music industry?

(We seriously are just overthinking right now. We've really outdone ourselves...)

What if the Stars and Stripes ultimately came to the decision to forcibly extract the singer out of our country, and interestingly, carried out a rescue mission a la in Hollywood movies?

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What if they do a...


DIE HARD (1988)


Video via TrailersPlaygroundHD

Considering that the first-ever Die Hard installment was about police officer John McClane (played by Bruce Willis) trying to save a group of hostages that included his wife, what if in Chris's case, on-and-off girlfriend RiRi was the one who went by herself to recover him? All we can tell him is, "Asa, boy!"


SAVING PRIVATE RYAN (1998)


Video via thecultbox

The title speaks for itself. Although those who will take on the roles of Tom Hanks and his squad will not have a hard time rummaging for Private CB because by the looks of things—particularly the setting of his IG videos—the singer had holed up in a cozy hotel room with his posse.


TOY STORY 2 (1999)


Video via MoviesHistory

We all know that Chris will be Woody; but who will be his Buzz Lightyear and friends? Will his ever-ardent Team Breezy fan club step up to the plate?


TAKEN (2008)


Video via MoviemanTrailers

What if Chris's dad Clinton Brown went Liam Neeson and started tracking his son? We imagine his conversation with our government going like this:


THE EXPENDABLES (2010)


Video via hollywoodstreams

But instead of Sly Stallone's star-studded action ensemble, Chris is set to be retrieved by a contingent of the biggest names in RnB. The recurring question is, does he still have anyone in the industry left caring for him?


Now go broach this idea to your buddies and see where else you can take this (admittedly kinda stupid) conversation!

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