On April 27, 2015, all the manyaks hot-blooded males of the Philippines tuned in to Magic 89.9 to listen to what could possibly be the most important interview in Philippine history.
The guys from Boys Night Out had the AV idol goddess and our June 2015 cover girl Maria Ozawa in their booth—and the three of them, Sam YG, Slick Rick, and Tony Toni fielded questions that had been burning inside the loins of millions and millions of Filipinos who grew up watching Maria’s, erm, educational videos.
They were the luckiest guys in the Philippines at that moment—and simultaneously the most hated. (Because damn it, what man in his right mind wouldn't kill to be in the position they were in right there and then?)
The least they could do for the rest of us Ozawa fanboys is to share how that experience felt for them. So, to address that, we decided to do mankind another service: We tied them up, kidnapped them, and interrogated them like a pissed-off cop who wasn't given a share of the jeuteng payola.
Below are the answers we were able to squeeze out from them. (Obviously, we are kidding with the kidnapping bit. These guys are our tropa!)
SO HOW DID YOU GUYS SCORE THE INTERVIEW WITH MARIA OZAWA?
Sam YG: Matinding process yan. Ninth anniversary ng "Manyak Monday," so we had to, you know, give the loyal manyaks what they deserve. Parang public service lang.
Tony Toni: For all the lives that the men have killed in their bathrooms.
Sam: Naka-ilang girlfriend ka na iniwan ka, pero si Maria nandiyan pa rin! Never ka niyang iniwan.
Slick Rick: She’s been there in good times and in bad times, lonely times, times of drought. Loyal.
Sam: Pero super-secret operation siya. When we found out that there’s a possibility that she’s coming here to the Philippines—we started coordinating. Mga five months in the making yun—with contracts, non-disclosure stuff, and everything.
HOW DID YOU REACT WHEN YOU SEALED THE DEAL?
Sam: Siyempre, we had to watch her past ano...
Tony: Greatest Hits.
Rick: I’ve watched everything that she’s done so...
Tony: Basically, you just ask what every guy would want to ask. You know like, "Is the feeling real?" "Is the whole porn thing real?" "How long do the guys last?"
Sam: Hindi ka pwedeng ma-starstruck eh. Si Pacquiao ba nung nakita si Mayweather, na-starstruck? Hindi puwede, this was the biggest fight of our lives. Kailangan maitanong namin 'yung tanong ng bawat lalaki. We want to do it for, once again, for public service–to give back to our listeners.
WERE THERE ANY QUESTIONS YOU WISH YOU HAD ASKED BUT FORGOT TO, OR JUST CAME INTO YOUR HEADS AFTER THE SHOW?
Tony: “How does she like swallowing?” siguro. You know she does it for work but does she really like it?
Sam: Sabi nila swina-swallow lang kapag love mo eh. Hindi naman masasabing love lahat niya lahat 'yung mga lalaking 'yun.
Tony: But I totally forgot about it after I asked her another question: “Did she come every time she had sex on cam?” And she answered that she came every time. She gets horny easily; nilalabasan siya ng mabilis. At that time I was like, "Oooh, shit."
Rick: I should’ve asked her who she thinks is going to be the next her in the Japanese industry–her successor.
Tony: Mga panget na eh. Wala na eh–wala ng mga half and half.
WERE YOU GUYS MORE NERVOUS OR MORE EXCITED?
Tony: I was excited.
Rick and Sam: Yeah, yeah.
Tony: It’s like you can’t back down; you can’t be nervous. You gotta treat it like, shit, this could make you or break you–and Boys Night Out naman, nine years going and you’re gonna buckle now? Fuck. You can’t buckle, not against Maria Ozawa.
Rick: Not during the big game.
Tony: You know, this is like years of tigang factor.
Sam: Nilalabas mo lang yung ano...
Rick: ...utot mo.
Tony: Talagang lumabas yung tunay na manyakis.
HOW DIFFERENT WAS MARIA'S VIBE COMPARED TO THE OTHER WOMEN YOU HAVE FEATURED BEFORE?
Photo via Slick Rick's Instagram page
Tony: She’s very confident of herself. She’s like, “Okay, you three seem to have watched me A LOT so I might as well just answer your questions.” She’s comfortable with her past. That’s the great thing. I think the other sexy models or porn stars are still trying to make names for themselves. Si Maria, pinagdaanan na niya 'yan eh. She’s already on the top of her game. Some girls don’t want to talk about their past.
Rick: Like what Tony says, if you’re asking a local girl about her past, they’ll shy away from you. For example, if they had sex tapes, or have sexy pictures lying around—they don’t really want to talk about it. Maria’s like, everyone has seen me, just ask me the question and I’ll answer it—and she didn’t back down. Palaban. That’s what Tony likes–girl na palaban. That’s what we should have seen, Tony Toni vs. Maria Ozawa, ha ha!
Tony: Greatest hit 'yan, itaas ang bandila ng Pilipinas!
Sam: Parang si Neil Armstrong, naglagay ng flag sa moon 'di ba?
SHE DID SAY TONY WAS PORN STAR MATERIAL.
Tony: Well, para sa akin, obviously, being handpicked by Maria Ozawa, who was right in front of you...
Rick: Handpicked huh? Ha ha!
Tony: For her to say that she thinks I can be a legit porn star, grabe, ilalabas ko na 'yung t*ti ko sana eh, ha ha!
Rick: What if she’s actually thinking of you doing her bro? Maybe in her mind, you guys were having sex.
Tony: Kahit one pump lang! Ha ha! Kahit ulo lang maka-swipe okay na!
Sam: Mapagyabang mo lang 'no? “P*ta, na-swipe ko si Maria Ozawa!”
DID YOU NOTICE ANYTHING ABOUT MARIA THAT PEOPLE MIGHT NOT HAVE PERCEIVED FROM HER VIDEOS?
Rick: She’s got a good grasp of the English language–akala ko mahihirapan siya. She’s well-travelled eh. She’s been around–literally. You can ask her anything. She drinks, actually drinks a lot–grabe lang–party girl siya. And you can visit her bar in Japan, she’s usually there.
WHAT DID YOU GUYS LEARN FROM YOUR NIGHT WITH MARIA? WHAT WISDOM DID SHE IMPART THAT YOU COULD SAY WOULD STICK WITH YOU FOR A LONG TIME?
Sam: Wag ka lang teaser, kailangang maging pleaser ka. Wag kang tatamad-tamad diyan kasi para 'yang resume–and your resume goes around.
Rick: Even if you’re in front of the camera or behind closed doors.
Sam: Kakalat yun, kaya galingan mo, kung gusto mong kumalat na, "Uy, okay siya ah!"
Rick: You can’t go into the game saying you’ll only play 75 percent–dapat laging 110 percent. It’s like Tony’s rumors, that’s why all the girls just wanna bang him, even if it’s a rumor, they all still want him.
Sam: Parang “Ano bang meron diyan kay Tony? P*tangina, masubukan nga!”
Tony: For me, I think it’s to never be afraid to ask your partner what he or she wants–to keep the intimacy alive. For all the girls out there, don’t be afraid to ask the man for what you want. And also for the guys don’t be afraid to ask the girl what she wants.
DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY TO THE COUNTLESS JEALOUS MEN AND WOMEN WHO WISH THEY COULD ALSO BE THAT CLOSE AND PERSONAL WITH MARIA?
Photo via Slick Rick's Instagram page
Rick: We’ll have her again.
Tony: She’ll be back