Not very many people enjoy fear. Apart from the ugly feeling of fear itself, it has strange unejoyable manfestations. For instance: as a weird stomach cramp you get when things get tense, as a blanketing cold sweat born from suspense. Or that unnerving feeling that overwhelms when that last sliver of light leaves the room and darkness takes over.
But it's Halloween. That's good enough reason to invoke some fear and fright into your hearts. What cheap and easy way to do it than a good old scary movie.
For your fright night feature pleasure, here is FHM's list of fear-filled flicks that you and the ladylove can screen this weekend. Feel free to chime in below and let us know what movies really left an indelible fuck-me-that-was-awesome-but-scary-as-shit mark on your rotting brains!
Fear factor: The 80s were a prolific time for horror flicks. But one film set the bar for this subgenre. It was Clive Barker’s Hellraiser. When Frank purchases an antique puzzle-box in Morocco, he opens the portal to an unknown world, where the Cenobites–a race of disfigured monsters–led by the iconic Pinhead, rip Frank’s skin apart. When his family moves in, a skinless Frank seduces his sister-in-law into luring men to their attic, where he feeds on the unknowing prey, slowly allowing the Cenobites to take over.
Even scarier: The film actually plays on the sadomasochistic tendencies humans have. The Cenobites are actually caricatures of our self-deprecating selves. A woman who smokes cigarettes through a gash in her throat, a man whose face is chained with multiple piercing, a dude with a video-cam permanently attached to his head–yeah, you’ve probably met them in your nightmares.
His acupuncturist was a little bit too eager.
2) The Exorcist
Fear factor: William Friedkin’s horror masterpiece revolves around a young teenage girl named Regan (Linda Blair), whose body is being toyed around with Belzebel himself. Together with the help of two priests, her mother must find a way to exorcise the mysterious entity and save her daughter. The movie relied more on mood to actually scare the audience–green puke and neck-breaking head spins are very mood altering. Seared into the minds of everyone who’s seen The Exorcist: Regan stabbing her girly parts with a crucifix and invoking Big J’s name in vain. And then there’s that crab walk down the stairs–we get shivers just thinking about it.
Even scarier: Is how Regan’s possession and exorcism are similar to any other girl’s pubescent experiences, only multiplied to demonic proportions. See, she lashes out at her mother, bleeds down there, her skin breaks out, and she seems to be a tad bit rebellious of superiors.
Doctors say floating in the air may be a result of hormonal imbalance.
3) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Fear factor: There’s a different kind of fear that comes with a leather-faced madman chasing you in an open field with a chainsaw. Lets just say it’s more nerve-wracking than ghostly apparitions or ghoulish monsters. When five friends decide to go on a road trip to visit an old house, they stumble upon a family of cannibalistic grave robbers who’d love nothing more than to have free-spirited teenagers for dinner. Marketed as a true story, the movie’s graphic depiction of violence–picture meat hooks and chopping off body parts–was so realistic for the 70s; it was banned from being shown in some countries.
Even scarier: This Texan redneck clan’s concept of family values. Most family’s say their blessings before a meal and catch up on their daily lives… they do the same, only the entrees are a bunch of wayward adolescents.
“Jeez, Ma! Meatloaf again!”
4) The Fly
Fear factor: Imagine you’re a scientist working on the theoretical possibilities of teleportation. Finally, you’ve found the right answer, but during your experiment, a tiny fly gets into your teleportation machine. This is what happens in master director David Cronenberg’s The Fly. When a scientist named Seth goes through what was exactly mentioned, he first comes out of it seeming unscathed. He even gains super strength and an increased dexterity and sexual stamina. But the catch of it all is he’s turning into a human-fly hybrid. He loses his skin, starts puking foul-odor muck, and deteriorates into a creature unrecognizable to his helpless girlfriend. Body dysmorphia: not romantic.
Even scarier: The movie was believed to mirror the prevalent AIDS phenomenon of the 80s. A man set in his ways, dealing with the repercussions of his ambitious actions. There is definitely nothing scarier than a social commentary disguised as science fiction horror.
“Pare, I swear, I’m not contagious, blech!”
5) Halimaw sa Banga
Fear factor: Director Mario O’Hara’s segment from the 1986 film Halimaw is most definitely a Pinoy horror classic. Ask around about what local horror film made people piss their pants, and you’ll probably get this movie as an answer. When an art collector brings home an ancient banga (or jar) excavated from a cave, he unleashes a demon that feeds on the despair of the people around it. Kind of like Hellraiser, only it’s a banga instead of a puzzle-box. If there’s a lesson to be learned: Avoid purchasing entity-possessed antiques, people!
Even scarier: The fear of ugly ass furniture! If Martha Stewart had a facebook (and we’re sure she does), she’d probably NOT LIKE THIS! Admit it, if you’ve seen the film, you’ve never looked at a banga the same way again… even if it’s just there, doing nothing.
See what we mean, that’s some scary shit!
6) Mulholland Drive
Fear factor: David Lynch’s neo-noir masterpiece is nothing short of a mind-fuck. In this glossy mystery, an aspiring actress named Betty (a sizzling Naomi Watts) arrives in LA and forges a relationship with a mysterious woman bunking at her aunt’s. What ensues is a cryptic tale weaved with surreal imagery, a hefty dose of lesbian action, and the unforgettable diner scene where an enigmatic, dreamed-up monster jumps on screen in what is possibly one of cinema’s most nakakagulat!
Even scarier: You never really know what the hell is going on. But it’s actually the David Lynch, mad scientist way of making cinema. Add one complex plot, a dash of dream-like scenery, add two shakes of horrific musical scoring and what you get is a stomach-churning psychological drama. Genius!
If this is what horror now looks like, consider us the Dark Lords.
Next: A shower scene, a lady named Barbara, and The Ring