If girls have been flaking out on you, dodging your invites, or simply preferring “to go home and read,” or if they’ve been saying strange phrases like “Holy moses,” “laterz, baby,” “Charlie tango,” or “Christian” or “Grey,” we come bearing good news. First, you are not alone. Second, the girls aren’t lying. And third, they aren’t crazy.
There is a book that’s been keeping our ladies preoccupied lately and it’s called 50 Shades of Grey.
Sorry, allow us to be more accurate in reporting. It’s not just a book. It’s the fastest selling book of all time, emphasis on “of all time.” And again, it’s not just a book. It’s a trilogy for crying out loud.
Fifty Shades of Grey is literotica featuring a fresh college graduate virgin named Anastasia Steele, who ends up loving a handsome, young-ish CEO by the name of Christian Grey. Grey, of course, also happens to be a hard-core kinky sex and ladykiller BDSM fan. He buys her a car, apart from a plethora of gadgets, wires her cash, and messages her all the time. If your lady has this on her dresser, brace yourself. If your mother or your tita asks you to load it on her untouched eBook reader you bought her for Christmas, matakot ka!
Bakit nga benta?
For starters, Fifty Shades of Grey was originally a Twilight fan fiction written by 49-year-old English TwiFan E.L. James. Instead of a blood sucking love-struck vampire Edward Cullen, we now have Grey. And instead of reklamadora Bella Swan, it's jailbait Anastasia. It’s another kilig success story for Team “Nasa loob ang kulo,” which is why half of the once polite society is crazy over this horny trilogy.
This series, dubbed as "Mummy porn," is so successful that people from Mitch Albom (of Tuesdays with Morrie fame) to Barbara Walters are talking about it and how it’s been unleashing the inner sex kitten of millions.
Even FHM cover babe Aubrey Miles couldn’t contain her amusement over the book that he beau Troy Montero had to take on twitter to advise men who could be going through the same, er, ordeal.
Aubrey loved it so much she's encouraging everyone to read it!
Check out the banter between the lovebirds.
So many parodies!
Like anything popular, parodies are already everywhere, some even selling! It gets crazier: there are now Fifty Shades tours being offered for the Anastasia experience.
Also, E.L. James was invited to Comic Con possibly increasing the sexually repressed population. And, there’s been a spike in sales of BDSM paraphernalia from butt plugs to corsets.
But here’s the biggest bomb scare: a movie has come up after it was auctioned among the biggest studios in Hollywood and with Mr. Notebook Ryan Gosling in the running to play Mr. Spanker Sweet Lover. Yari ka boy! trilogy ‘toh.
Okay, you probably skipped the last paragraph and stayed on "BDSM paraphernalia." Some of you are probably rejoicing right now. There is hope for you yet! Perhaps your sex life can finally resemble a Goldfrapp video.
Or some of you are hoping for the best: maybe your girl will finally ask you to unearth the handcuffs or the whip you swiped from your best friend’s stag party.