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Fright Night: 8 Signs Your Neighbor is a Vampire

Fangs. Look out for them.
by Gelo Gonzales | Sep 8, 2011
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Fright Night opened yesterday and word around the Web is that the movie does not disappoint.[firstpara] The movie is a remake of the 1985 horror-comedy classic that wasn’t afraid to poke fun at itself, using humor and terror in a cocktail recipe for success.

The reboot stars Colin Farrell, Toni Colette and Anton Yelchin. It tells the story of Charlie Brewster (Yelchin), macabre master and all around horror fan-boy. When he gets a new neighbor, sketchy behavior leads him to believe that the dude’s a vampire. When the new neighbor starts showing interest in Charlie’s mom, he calls on Peter Vincent, a self-declared vampire hunter and Vegas showman to help him get rid of the beast.

Nothing has been more exhausted by pop culture than vampires. They’ve gone from Transylvanian dark lord to horny vessels of teenage angst in the course of the last century. It’s a concept that has been rehashed time and time again, but audiences–just like our fanged friends–seem to enjoy the constant bloodsucking. Because when a vampire story is executed well it can still send shivers down your spine and induce that fear of the dark.

Living up to the name of the “undead”, vamps can’t seem to stay in the coffin. They’re on the big screen, in books, television and who knows, maybe they’re among us?

Just in case the latter happens to be true, we’ve prepared for you a handy spot-that-vampire manual. Think of it as a relative guide in keeping your neck and neighborhood vamp-free.  

1. The dogs go nuts
Man’s best friend can usually sniff out things that are quite out of the ordinary. Call it animal instinct but when the dogs start barking, growling and howling around your new neighbor, sleep with some garlic around your neck and keep a wooden stake under your pillow. Chances are he might be a creature of the night, or worse, hasn’t showered in a week. If the dogs in the village suddenly disappear they’ve probably been turned into canine appetizers.

                                        “Sabi ko na sayo bampira e, ayaw mo pa maniwala!”
2. Sun-block delivery trucks
It’s weird enough that you rarely see your new neighbor out in the daylight. But what’s even weirder is seeing delivery trucks shelling out crates of the strongest SPF lotion in the dead of night. Who knows, he might just have ultra-sensitive skin or enjoys some lubricant when whacking off to the porno version of Twilight. Either way it’s a red flag.

                                           “There see, more sun-block being delivered!”
                                        “I could use some of that lotion right about now.”

3. Heavily-tinted cars and no mirrors
Again, this is for sunlight protection. If he’s got manyak-tints worse than the most bastos person you know, he’s probably a vampire. Sneak in his house and check if there are any visible mirrors. The lack of reflective surfaces may be indicative of his fear of being discovered. We’re sure it doesn’t help that he always rocks out to AC/DC’s “If You Want Blood, You’ve Got It”.

                                                    Glutathione endorsers: dashing

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