Monsters University, the prequel to the highly successful Monsters, Inc., opens tomorrow, giving fans of the franchise a look at Mike and Sulley when they were still students of scare tactics. Get ready for frat parties, campus hotties, and riotous misbehavior (in Disney PG, of course).
This got us thinking: What if Monsters University was a real school?
The monsters enrolled there wouldn’t be cute, gleeful, animated creatures, but rather spine-tingling and scary, devoid of Pixar's penchant for charm and humor. In the spirit of frighteningly higher learning, we’ve decided to pool together some movie monsters with a Magna Cum Laude in monstrosity. These dean’s listers have earned their diplomas, majoring in Shocking-The-Shit-Out-Of-You. You wouldn’t want them for a college roommate...
The movie: Gremlins (1984)
Scare tactic: Though they might seem cuddly at first, the Mogwai are not to be underestimated. When hit by water, they multiply—gross bubbles gurgling on their skin. Unlike the movie’s adorable protagonist Gizmo, Stripe is the malevolent ringleader of this gang of ghouls. He wields handguns and creates mischief, ruining the Christmas season for unsuspecting humans in this family-friendly horror movie.
Also, he looks like a fish who just downed an entire can of pure radiation
The movie: The Thing (1982)
Scare tactic: This creature has appeared in a number of our freakiest lists–and for good reason. The Thing is an intergalactic being that shape-shifts into the live host it comes into contact with. Beware, it can rip your body apart should it choose to, turning into a huge tarantula-esque creature to do so. The only thing it fears: Kurt Russell with a flamethrower.
FHM: Your daily source of nightmare fuel!
THE PALE MAN
The movie: Pan’s Labyrinth (2006)
Scare tactic: Director Guillermo del Toro knows his monsters, and in his fantasy drama about a troubled girl’s dream world, he features a creature that’s as unsettling as it is fantastical. The Pale Man, with eyeballs in its palms, wakes from its slumber to take a peek at who has disturbed its sleep. Its favorite supper meal: children with wanderlust.
Above: Heaven's punishment for those who watches porn too much
NEXT: These critters ain't cute at all. Plus: tentacle beasts!