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The Clueless Guy's Guide To The Academy Awards 2018

Feel like a cinephile and browse through this ultra-legit Oscar cheat sheet
by Anton D. Umali | Mar 4, 2018
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We knowmost of you would rather watch a superhero movie than sit through a two-hour prestige film. We feel ya, sir. We feel ya. Which means that come Oscar night, you’ll probably be stuck on your couch, browsing through channels and wolfing down potato chips. And just so you don’t get lost should you stumble upon the ceremony of Hollywood’s most important awards night, FHM has prepared its own cheat sheet for you to better mentally digest the proceedings.

Below are some key players who have been making noise in the industry and will probably go home as winners when the red carpet has been rolled up and kept for next year’s superstar showdown.


Gary Oldman

His portrayal of Winston Churchill in Darkest Hour will finally earn one of this generation’s most underrated character actors the recognition he deserves. C,'mon, he’s played Sid Vicious, Dracula, and every other compelling antagonist trope you can think of, but the Academy has yet to throw a statue his way. This is Oldman’s night to revel in a career peppered with some of the most memorable roles in cinematic history.

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Alison Janney

The I, Tonya actress has built a reputation essaying scene-stealing, supporting performances. They’re mostly mom roles too, but never stereotypical and always marked with Janney’s signature style of quirkiness. She played Ellen Page’s stern yet warm mother in Juno. She was Wes Bentley’s sick ma in Sam Mendes’s American Beauty. And as ice skater Tonya Harding’s emotionally abusive excuse for a mother in Craig Gillespie’s grimly hilarious biopic, Janney is a shoo-in for the Best Supporting Actress award.

Sam Rockwell

If you have yet to see Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, get on it! Aside from having a top-billed cast, a unique script, and a pointed direction style that is simultaneously emotionally manipulative yet rewarding, it has Sam Rockwell as a racist cop who turns over a new leaf.


Margot Robbie

The Oscars loves an ingenue, and icy blonde Margot Robbie as the brash, rebellious ice skater Tonya Harding was nothing short of entertaining to witness. The world isn’t fair—not only is Robbie painfully gorgeous, she’s also super talented as well. These are traits that could make the Australian stunner an Oscar winner pretty soon.  

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Saoirse Ronan

If anyone is set to upset the category of Best Actress, it’s Lady Bird herself. Saoirse (it’s pronounced shur-sha) has been nominated thrice for an Oscar and she’s only 23. She was first recognized as the annoying brat who wrongfully rats out James McAvoy in director Joe Wright’s Atonement (she was a wee girl back then). She got her second nod for the romantic Brooklyn back in 2015. And now as a full-fledged woman playing a confused teenager in Greta Gerwig’s directorial debut, the Irish thespian might just be the next J-Law or Emma Stone (because, like we said, the Academy loves an ingenue).

Timothée Chalamet

Oh, Timmy. If you haven’t seen this mug all over the internet, what’s wrong with you? He’s only been dubbed as the next Leonardo DiCaprio because of his sincere turn as an intelligent young boy experiencing the throes of love and lust in the Italian countryside. Also, he fucks a peach (yes, the fruit), which could be the reason he overthrows Oldman in the Best Actor category.


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Frances McDormand

The Best Actress statues is hers to lose. As the manic, fierce, and unstoppable Mildred Hayes, a mother in search of justice for her butchered daughter, McDormand shows her contemporaries just how it’s done. She’s won in this category before as the very preggo sheriff in the Coen brothers’ Fargo. It seems that this acting vet has a love for black comedies set in small-towns and they seem to love her back!


Get Out

Jordan Peele’s socio-political commentary disguised as an intellectual escape thriller was one of last year’s most massive hits. But we don’t think the Academy is ready for genre films to be at the forefront of their very specific brand. What a shame...

Call Me By Your Name

Although this idyllic love story filled with first kisses and a shit-load of heartbreak was one of 2017’s most talked about titles, at most musician Sufjan Stevens will probably take home an Oscar for Original Song. At least that’s not a total loss.

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Guillermo Del Toro

The Mexican master of beasts, creatures, and monsters has been grabbing wins left and right for The Shape of Water, his whimsically strange love story between a deafmute woman and a mythical god of the deep. It’s only fitting that he closes the circuit by sealing the deal at the Oscars.



If there’s on animated flick that was raved about (and made tons of grown men cry), it was Pixar’s musically charged exploration of the Underworld. If majority of the Academy are softies for familial drama laced with psychedelic visuals, then Coco might come out on top as this year’s Best Animated Film!


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