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Taken 2: What to Do if You're Kidnapped

Surely, there must be easier targets than Liam Neeson.
by Gelo Gonzales | Oct 3, 2012
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Liam Neeson is unstoppable—and we mean that in the most literal of senses. The intense and frenetic Taken 2 hits theaters on October 4, and Neeson is back in his role as Bryan Mills, the father you wouldn’t want to fuck with. He faces the vengeful family of the fallen criminals who took his daughter in Taken 1, particularly a scorned father who derails the Mills's family vacation in Istanbul, Turkey by abducting Mills and his ex-wife Lenny (Famke Janssen). Their daughter Kim (Maggie Grace) is left to fend off for herself and aid her father in finding out who their enemies are…so he can break their necks.

                                       Note to kidnappers: never mess around with karate dads.

Kidnapping is serious and imagine having to go through it while being a stranger in a strange land. That would be the vacation from hell. It’s best to be prepared because if you don’t have Liam Neeson for a dad then there wouldn’t be anyone to save you but yourself. We’ve prepared a couple of tips based on our observations from the movie just in case you find yourself in the middle of some sex trafficking cartel’s revenge plot. Though most of them might be a stretch—unless you’ve had some stellar CIA training—you never know; the info might be handy.

One of Brian Mills’s tips to his ex wife and daughter is to always blend in. When someone is on your tail, your best cover is to get lost in the crowd. Though in the movie an abundance of explosions and gunfire draw attention to the main characters, being a human needle-in-a-haystack can help confuse your pursuers. Don’t be too obvious. Act natural and don’t draw any attention to your usually attention whore-self.  

                     The "fuck-off-Im-pretending-to-read" ploy works especially well in cafes and libraries.
If tip No. 1 fails and you find yourself in the clutches of your captors then they’re most likely to crush your iPhone 5 with the heel of their henchman boots. In the film, Mills carries a spare cellphone that’s about the size of a post-it note. This is one occasion where the smaller the unit the better. Think Asian. Hide it somewhere they’d least expect, like in your sock or (heaven forbid) your butt crack, and call for help when the opportunity arises.

                       For extra angas, pretend to order a casket for the bad guy you're about to execute.
Now this may be a little bit far-fetched, but it's an actual skill that Mills uses in the movie. After being abducted, their heads covered with a bag, he begins listening to the ticking of his wristwatch and making note of the sounds he comes across before arriving at the kidnapper’s hideout. If you aren’t of Neeson-level in the heightened senses department, at least make sure your ears are constantly clear of tutuli for maximum audibility.

                             Clean ears also make for a mesmerizing time listening to birds chirping.

Get your Kung Fu in order. Knowing a little self-defense can mean the difference between ending up alive or dead. Although it may take some time for you to achieve Qui-Gon Jinn martial arts standards, take a class or two to beef up your Ninja skills. Take it from Mr. Neeson, he’s fought wolves, the Sith, and even Batman.

                                                             Karate dad, everyone!

In the film’s most frantic car chase scene, the villains pursue Mills and daughter Kim who have just stole a cab. Kim, barely past her student’s permit, is forced to maneuver the vehicle in the claustrophobic streets of Istanbul. Since she doesn’t know how to shoot a gun, dear daddy instructs her to take the wheel. So rid yourself of the comforts of an automatic for once and try to get used to the conventional way of driving because your getaway car might just be the latter, and shifting gears can be the key to preventing you from getting taken. 

                  No better reward than a round of sundae with a lady friend after an entire afternoon of kidnapping-related hijinx

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