Thor, this season's most hotly-anticipated superhero movie, comes out in local cinemas tomorrow April 29. It hardly needs any introduction, but just the same: Thor is this god from a race called the Asgards banished to our earthly realms for deeds unacceptable to the powers-that-be. He wields a hammer, and smashes all who deserve to be smashed.
Are we excited? You bet we are. Early reviews trickling down at rottentomatoes.com have been amazingly positive, with one reviewer saying that "By Odin's beard, this one's a winner!" It's a summer blockbuster though, so Odin's beard or no, we're guessing you guys would be watching it.
As with any comic book movies though, there's always that one guy sitting around you who'll call out all the details the movie version isn't getting right from the comic book original. That guy is called annoying. But is there something you can do about it? You're in luck, because indeed there is a way. Fight fire with fire, we always say. Here's a little trivia list to get the rest of us who made the mistake of not reading enough comics in our childhood up to speed to the Thor mythos. And oh, not just one Thor. Not just two. We've got four different Thors here, just for kicks. Read on, mortal.We'll start with...
The Mythical Thor
- Uber powerful god of thunder in Norse mythology. Son of Odin and “personified earth” Fjörgyn.
- Wears nothing more than sheer cloth draped haplessly over his shoulder and into the groin area. Godly glutes.
Weapon of choice:
- The legendary lightning-spewing hammer, the Mjöllnir
- Defeats Jörmungandr, the large serpent that encircles the world of humankind in the final battle Ragnarok…
Most embarrassing moments:
- …only to die soon after as the serpent’s venom finally takes effect.
Traits that help him get laid:
- Glutes aside, he’s basically a world savior. If that doesn’t get you any women, then we don’t know what will. Also if you'll look at the picture above, even in death, his manly appeal still screams out.
- He rides a chariot. The chariot is drawn by two goats Tanngrisnir and Tanngnjóstr. Sometimes, he eats them too, but don’t you worry! He can easily resurrect them with his powerful, multipurpose hammer…so he can eat them again. This officially makes these two goats, the two unluckiest goats in the universe.
Soon to be kaldereta....
WORDS BY: GELO GONZALES