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Unmarried for a week: 14 Things You Shouldn't Do!

<p>A handy-dandy guide to surviving a week off wedlock</p>
by Gelo Gonzales | Apr 7, 2011
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Whereas The Hangover was essentially an epic stag party gone awesomely awry, Hall Pass is a stag party, where the ones celebrating are actually already long-married.[firstpara]

In this new comedy from the Farelly Brothers (Dumb and Dumber, There's Something About Mary), two guys (Jason Sudeikis and Owen Wilson) whose marriages are in a rut, get a week-long reprieve from the draconian bindings of wedlock.

What mayhem they'll cause, that's for all of us to discover this week. The film opens in local theatres today.

Interesting premise, right? Especially for those of you out there who already have The Ring on one of your fingers.

So here's our question: What would you do if you were given that "hall pass," that one week off of marriage?

You're single again for seven days, with absolutely no consequences to fear, at least on the surface.

To help you out, we've prepared a list of the things you could do, but probably shouldn't for various reasons listed below.

Continue reading below ↓

1) Go to Amsterdam
Yeah, we've all heard how awesome Amsterdam is, but would you really want to waste all that time flying around? And that's assuming you're rich and you're in possession of the necessary legal documents, like a, oh we don't know, a visa perhaps?

Stay close to home, brother (not too close though, that would be awkward for the wife!), where you can maximize your time in actual debauchery. You pig.

2) Get in touch with a former flame
She's already married dude, and she doesn't have that magical hall pass you have. Wait, what's that? You've checked her facebook, and it says she's still single? Cut it out. It's too messy. Remember what you and your buddies used to tell yourselves when you were still single? Madami pang isda sa dagat. Now's the best time to embody that.

Reserve your former flame for when you and your wife actually get separated in the future.

3) Go on a tryst with a total stranger
By total stranger, we mean someone whose age you aren't sure of. Here's what you can do to really find out: Ask her what she thinks of Justin Bieber. If she starts raving, then buddy, she's not old enough.

4) Just lounge around and drink beer all day
You can do that even without a hall pass. Think about it. Yes, you can.

5) Not not use a condom
Hang on as we channel some of that RH Bill energy You're going to be playing around buddy, but while your hall pass is temporary, unwanted pregnancies and STDs could last you forever.

6) Change your Facebook relationship status to "single"
That's something that even the most terribly, impossibly understanding wives in the universe won't be able to forgive. And why are you even on Facebook man?! Log out, and go out!

7) Post something on Facebook along the lines of "Free at last!"
Seriously, don't Facebook this shit. Zuckerberg's monster must not be messed with whilst you have that hall pass.

8) Wager your kid's college fund at a casino
The children! Think about the children! Seriously, it's one of the worst things you could do.

9) Go to girly bars every night
Come on. It's not like you don't do that already.

10) Go to the gym
Unless you're trying to meet some girls, there's no point in going to the gym. No amount of crunches and bench pressing will improve your phsyique and sex appeal in a week's time.

11) Tell your entire barkada about your hall pass, and brag about it
They'll be bugging their wives too. Their wives will be bugging yours. Your hall pass shall be taken back by your wife.

12) Get wasted
Do get wasted, but not enough that you'd be spending the next day nursing a hangover. That's one day wasted.

13) Narcotics
Might be subject to your own definition of debauchery.

14) Stop visiting
When we're not posting silly stuff like this, sometimes we post amazingly useful and ultra-effective articles about how to pick up women and how to seduce women. Which would, you know, be helpful in your endeavors.

Continue reading below ↓


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