You thought you'd be 20 forever. You thought you'd party forever, go to nightly gigs, concerts, and conquer the world's music festivals. You thought that day time was just a period of rest before you resume your quasi-alcoholic ways at night.
But then something happened: You got a little bit old. Not super old. But definitely enough to feel the changes going on in your body and (gasp!) your soul. Congratulations, you are entering tito-hood, a delicate life phase where your jokes don't seem to be as snappy, your idea of a fun night changes, and you're always mostly sleepy and hungry.
Here are some more symptoms, tito-to-be...
1) Expensive alcohol sorta makes sense now
In your 20s, all you wanted was to get hammered. Now, if there's some way you can get your hands on a good drink, you will do it—if it means saving yourself from the sort of heavy hangover you experience from standard, college era gin-bulag.
You'd also probably tell Dr. Evil to get a darned glass and not drink from the bottle:
2) Your absolute beer limit has decreased to five
Any more than that and it'll take you the entirety of the next day to recover.
3) You need to be out by 9 p.m. or you're better off sleeping
When you were younger, text messages that go "San ka?" typically came in at around 10 or 11 p.m. Now, if someone asks you that at those hours, it feels like a violation of privacy.
Your "would-much-rather-stay-at-home" rate has skyrocketed to around 80, 85 percent.
4) Hangovers have reached a new level of hard
You used to be able to shake off a hangover by lunchtime, no matter how many drinks you've had the night before. And then, you drink again. Now, the hangover lasts at least 24 hours, and the next time you seriously consider to drink will be a week after that, at the very least.
Just kill us now, says Barney:
5) 12 midnight is the new 4 a.m.
20-year-old you: "O, 12 pa lang, ang aga pa!"
Late 20s you: "Guys, tara last round na. Tulog na tayo. Aga pa bukas."
6) The frequency of babies on your newsfeed has increased tremendously
And every time a couple announces their first pregnancy, you feel like a 21-gun salute is in order. Goodbye, good times!
7) And sometimes, that baby will actually be your pamangkin
Thus officially making you a tito, by the very definition of the word.
8) Even better: Sometimes your friends will bring babies to a party
Yep, that bottle of tequila that you took out ain't going to get drank tonight, buddy! Worse, you might have to watch someone's kid get forced to dance by his folks:
9) Everyone around you seems to be getting married—0n a weekly basis
It's like going on all those weekend out-of-town trips with the gang...only this time, you're wearing a suit and tie and you're watching those "same-day-edit" wedding videos. You're also constantly getting plagued with this question: "O pare, kailan ka susunod?"
10) You realize that "Chill, y'all" isn't cool anymore
11) Actually, nothing's cool anymore especially those new-fangled slang terms that the kids these days are coming up with
Don't even get us started with BAE.
12) You think that all the cool things that could happen to the world have already happened in the '80s/'90s/early 2000s
"What do you mean you didn't watch Power Rangers?" You start talking about your favorite videogames, and you realize those games were 20 years old, and realize that kids don't get you when you tell them that how you once danced to Backstreet Boys' "Get Down" for your grade school field demonstration.
Did you realize this song is nearly 20 years old now?
13) And that includes music. Loads of new musicians are coming to town and you're all like, "Sino naman 'yan?"
"Churches? Sorry, pero Parokya Ni Edgar lang ang alam ko."
14) On the rare occasion that you actually go to a concert you realize squeezing your way to the front like you used to is the worst possible idea at that moment
"Dito na lang tayo sa likod. Dinig din naman natin dito." Later the statement devolves into something even more tito-ish: "Tara upo muna tayo, guys."
15) Vegetables now have a place in your life
When ordering at a carinderia, you make it a point to ask "Ate, magkano 'pag may kasamang gulay?"
Because seriously, they make your life so much better.
16) Weekend posts on your Facebook feed feature more marathon running and less getting wasted
It used to be a battle of who can make their livers hurt more. Now, it's all about who can tire their legs more.
You wonder why people don't post drunken shots inspired by The Hangover anymore:
17) You actually don't drink and drive anymore and you tell your friends to do the same
One of the nicer things to come out from this growing old thing.
18) Your stories are 95 percent "Nung high school ako..." stories
"Dati nung high school kami, diyan kami gumigimik eh." Then you ask yourself: Do kids still use the word "gimik"?
19) In the rare instance that you find yourself in a happening club, you can't imagine how you managed to survive in that loud, crowded place in the first place
You now understand why it was so hard to find true love in a place where you can't even hear a person telling you her name.
20) Additionally, your idea of a good time now consists of things like "conversation" about "future plans" and "savings"
Done in a nice, quiet cafe or a lounge. Anywhere not loud actually.
21) When watching a tween show, you say "Ang babata naman nitong mga 'to, nagliligawan na," and then you realize that's exactly how your parents used to say it too
Because G-MIK and TGIS were soooo much better than any of the tween shows now.
22) You now actually enjoy talking about how you're doing at work
Mainly because you don't know what else there is to talk about anymore.
23) The things you consider when buying clothes and shoes have changed
Then: Is it cool?
Now: Is it durable? Is the material nice? Is the fit comfortable?
24) The ultimate tito indicator: you've started to actually enjoy singing songs like "Lumayo Ka Man Sa Akin," songs by Rico J. Puno, and Rey Valera during videoke nights
And you tell your friends you're just being ironic.