Dear Golden State Warriors,
Clap! Clap! Clap! Congratulations on becoming just the second team in NBA history to amass 70 wins in a regular season. You’ve been spectacular, I give you that. This milestone is a remarkable testament to your unmatched greatness all year round. So point your fingers up to your Maker in praise and jubilation. And let your dream of breaking the Chicago Bulls' sacred 20-year-old single-season wins record go now
I still say 73 will never come. I say that when that happens you'll be better off declaring, just like the insufferable Manila International Airport Authority GM Jose Angel Honrado did, "Sorry, minalas kami" before happily moving on.
This should be easy for you to accept. Not to overstate the resoundingly obvious, but you're the Golden State Fucking Warriors, the team San Antonio Spurs coach Gregg Popovich dubbed the planet’s best.
You’re indisputably the top squad in the NBA for consecutive years now going into the postseason. You're proud. You're strong-willed. You're calibrated to win one championship after another. I trust that you know it’s what truly matters in the end. Besides, you've done more than enough to stamp your dominance throughout this historic run, showcasing Draymond Green's intolerable muscle-flexing antics after every potential and one play he’s made in the process.
Why don't you just kiss this little side project of yours goodbye and spare us from the unnecessary silliness of Scottie Pippen's petty pronouncements for the time being. Also, it’s still too early to see another round of MJ’s laughable Crying Jordan memes on our newsfeed. C’mon, guys, you gotta give the GOAT time to heal after his alma mater UNC’s heartbreaking loss to Villanova a few days ago.
Just protect your bodies from wear and tear. Refocus. Gear up for the playoffs you’re meant to dominate. Make peace with the fact that, no matter what your final record will be on April 14, your achievement will just be the second most important story behind Kobe Bryant’s celebrated and momentous farewell next week.
Excuse me, I’m not hatin’ here. I’m just saying that—even with your convincing success against the Spurs and their league-leading but surprisingly lusterless defense last Friday—sweeping your last three games to secure coveted victory 73 still looks like a statistically tall order. FiveThirtyEight.com’s Kyle Wagner in fact pegs the chances of that happening at a measly 22.6 percent.
Now I’ve been known to blow hard-earned cash on longshots before. But trust me: the math’s way too ugly for me to even slightly consider betting against the house this time.
Sure, Win No. 70 may have reignited your desire to get on with your quest. Your two games against the injury-ravaged Memphis Grizzlies (a team that continues to bristle with grit and pride despite its misfortunes) tomorrow and next Thursday will most likely go your way.
So that leaves you with the Spurs, whom you’ll battle with on the second leg of a back-to-back at the AT&T Center on Monday. Don’t think for a minute that Popovich won’t be juiced-up to support his gang’s own bid to become the first team in NBA history to go undefeated at home in the regular season.
As winnable as these last three games may seem, I believe it’s wise for you guys to contemplate energy preservation while time still affords you of such luxury. Stop making naysayers (like this writer sort of sounds) eat their words your sole motivation to overcome the odds. Nobody in the world—L.A. Clippers coach Doc Rivers included—needs any more convincing to bow to your supremacy.
You don’t really need 73-9 to solidify your status in the league. Let your second championship in a row do that for you. That’s the priority you should be zeroing in on now. If I were you, I’d resist the urge to tempt fate any further. It’s been known to strike in unforgivingly cruel ways in the past. The kind that can render even your combined lethal offensive might powerless and leave you scarred for life.
A RISK-AVERSE BETTOR
Photos from NBA.com