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Gimme The Ball: Your First Date With Jessica Mendoza

FHM Nation, say hello to your new columnist!
by Gelo Gonzales | Nov 10, 2012
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You know the movie Friends With Benefits? The one where Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake try to have a purely physical relationship that ultimately (and predictably) fails because they fall for each other? That’s what this column is.

Yes, reader. You and I are about to become friends with benefits.

You must be wondering: What is Jessica saying? How does this work? Do I call her or will she call me? Will we keep it on the down-low? How often do we meet?

First, you and I should get to know each other. You should know I’m not a real writer, in the sense that I don’t have any books to my name. I am, however, a basketball courtside reporter. My list of achievements in the sports industry is as follows:

•    Basketball hitting me in the face
•    Asking to talk to a player from the dugout of the wrong team
•    Interviewing the wrong player
•    Being unable to recognize a super popular team’s star player when he was sitting right in front of me (in  the spirit of full disclosure, it was Ginebra and Mark Caguioa. Shut up.)
•    Having a coach slam the door in my face
•    Totally screwing up a live report
•    Having a player refuse to talk to me for a month because of a report
•    Getting ice water from a cooler poured over my head

I know: It’s a record of sheer brilliance. I’m practically an expert.

I also happen to be a radio personality, which means I keep myself up-to-date on the issues that matter to us all—things like which songs are at the top of the charts, who Katy Perry is dating, what zombie flick is set to hit theaters next, when the next iPhone is set to be released, and why Snoop Dogg—excuse me, Snoop Lion (this is 100% true)—is still making music (and I actually don’t have the answer to that last one).

My point is, as an intelligent woman with such a sterling background in sports and pop culture, I’m in a unique position to help you help yourself.

The masterminds of saw this and invited me to use this bit of webspace for precisely that reason. Think about it: I, in my capacity as sideline-reporter-slash-radio-geek, am in a place to provide you with a female perspective on basketball, film, TV, music, gaming, and most other things male. I am one on a short list of ladies who can give Yoda-like insight into things that you may find difficult, strange, and womanly… like how you can get your hot, amazing, gorgeous, but completely uninterested girlfriend to enjoy a basketball game, sit through a Game of Thrones marathon, or let you play Arkham Asylum in peace.

In return (because nothing in this world is free), you, reader, can help me get better at my jobs. I know I’m already awesome at it (see list above), but there’s always room for improvement. Plus, you’re making an old dream of mine come true—I’ve always wanted to have a column. All parties benefit, and everyone is happy.

So here’s the deal: We meet here once every two weeks. No calling or texting, ‘cause I don’t want to get in trouble with your significant other. But feel free to comment or tweet me. No exclusivity clause either; you can totally check out any other column you desire on the World Wide Web.

Still, I do hope you don’t leave me hanging. I know it’s just a casual thing at the moment, but you never know. This might actually work out.

Should you be amenable to the terms of this agreement, well, see you in two weeks!

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