The finale for the sixth season of Game of Thrones recently just aired and it's everything we hoped and feared it would be. If you thought HBO could never top the much talked about "Battle of Bastards" episode, then clearly you haven't learned anything in the last six years. This season's finale might go down as one of the best ones yet. I know we always talk about how each latest episode is the best one, but that's just GoT for you! The show is like Leonardo DiCaprio and his revolving door of model girlfriends, each one is just better than the last.
If you wanted more members, maybe you shouldn't include
carving a 7-point star on the forehead as a requirement
This show has made us realize a lot of things about ourselves this season. I didn't know I could care about a mass-murdering giant named Wun Wun before this show. I didn't know that I could find incest between brother and sister even remotely romantic before this show. (For the record I still don't by the way, pero minsan nakakalimutan mong magkapatid si Jaime and Cersei, di ba?)
Here we'll rank the events that happened on the show from least to most shocking. And in an episode where almost every scene had a shocking moment na kahit mga pinakamachong lalaki napa-"OMG! OMG! OMG!," you have to believe that that's really hard to do. But since the last episode was so good, we'll do it anyway.
WARNING: SPOILERS ABOUND BEYOND THIS POINT, YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!
6) Daenerys Rejects Daario
Admit it, for a minute there you really thought they'd kiss
As she prepares to attack Westeros, Daenerys meets with Daario and flat out tells him that he's not coming with her as she crosses Westeros. She's expecting that she might need to marry someone from a strong family in Westeros for the sake of politics and alliances. You can literally hear Daario running out of air as he hears this. Imagine if you'd been with Kate Upton before she became famous. But just when you thought that things are starting to look up and you're about to tell everyone that you're dating a Sports Illustrated model, she suddenly dumps you. Sakit di ba? But it's hard to feel bad for him though. You were the lover of the most desirable woman in all of the Seven Kingdoms. Just thank the old gods and the new, and move on.
But seems like Daario is on to something. He blames Tyrion for suggesting this to Daenerys and he's actually not wrong about it. Afterwards we see Daenerys and Tyrion share a tender moment as Daenerys pins on his chest the symbol for the Hand of the King. (In this case, queen.) Ako lang ba o parang merong hint of romance going on in that scene? Will that lead to anything though?
Chances of Tyrion and Daenerys hooking up next season: Slim. Khaleesi needs to marry someone from a great family. Wait, Tyrion is still a Lannister after all right? I take it back! Not slim! May tsamba 'tong si Tyrion ah!
5) Sansa Rejects Littlefinger
Sansazoned: When Sansa asks you for your
help but you didn't even get a kiss in return
Wow, this episode was not good for Daario and Littlefinger at all! It's like high school all over again for these two, parehas basted! Littlefinger, everyone's favorite creepy uncle and the hero of the "Battle of the Bastards," finally tells Sansa what he really feels about her. I don't think this comes as a surprise to Sansa though since the guy awkwardly kissed her a few seasons back. But he had another revelation to make. He wants himself to sit on the Iron Throne with Sansa by her side. (First Lady ang offer!) Unfortunately for him though, Sansa says no. (You go, girl!) But Littlefinger leaves him with a thought to occupy her mind: A trueborn child of Ned and Catelyn Stark is a better fit to rule than a motherless bastard like Jon Snow. You stay douchey, Petyr Baelish. Can we just change the word "douchebag" to "littlefinger" instead?
"Ang creepy ng boyfriend mo kung anu-anong ka-weirdohan ang sinasabi, napaka-littlefinger niya ah!"
Chances of Sansa and Littlefinger hooking up next season: Slim, though Littlefinger has a better chance than Daario has. This all depends on how ambitious and treacherous Sansa is though.
4) Meereen x Dorne x High Garden
Titas of Dorne: Not as catchy as Titas of Manila
but the tweets are more vicious and stabby
After the events in King's Landing, we find Olenna Tyrell in Dorne convincing Oberyn's widow Ellaria and the Sand Snakes (otherwise known as the non-cute, more brutal version of the Powerpuff Girls) to join forces with her and take the fight back to Cersei and the Lannisters. A lot of people don't like how the show managed the Dorne storyline so they must have found joy seeing how sassy old Olenna put these girls in their rightful place. You just got to love Olenna Tyrell. She's like that feisty Pinay lola who'll smack you at the side of your head if you try to be too clever with her. Go too far at may singit na makukurot.
But the shocking reveal is when Varys the Spider came out of the shadows! So this was the secret mission he had to attend to! As the old saying goes, "the enemy of my enemy is my friend." Genius. So now Daenerys has the support of the Tyrells and Dorne as well as the Greyjoys? Wow. With that army, kahit Scarborough Shoal kayang protektahan!
Chances of the Sand Snakes seducing a nutless Theon Greyjoy: High. These Sand Snakes can get crazy sometimes. Get ready to see Theon Greyjoy grimace in pain at the sight of a naked Sand Snake. Para ulit siyang recovering alcoholic na nakawala sa factory ng San Miguel Beer. Hanggang tingin na lang sabay iyak.
3) Walder Frey is No More
Kaya malaki 'yung binibigay kong tip sa barbero ko.
Mahirap na baka maabutan mo na bad mood
If you're wondering what happened to Arya Stark, well that question was answered in this episode as well. Either she was able to borrow a dragon from Khaleesi and rode it all the way back to Westeros or there's a non-stop Cebu Pacific flight that's servicing Braavos to Westeros that we don't know about, but apparently she's now home and back in the fray. And back in the fray she indeed is, when she disguises herself as a handmaiden and cuts the throat of Walder Frey just before she serves him his two sons as croissants. May silbi naman pala yung ala-Karate Kid training montage ni Arya care of Jaqen H'ghar!
For those of you don't remember, Walder Frey of course is the man responsible for the deaths of Arya's brother and mother and it seems like he was the first casualty of Arya Stark's Revenge Tour 2016-2017. Good riddance.
Chances of Arya murdering a lot of people next season: High. Very high. Kung nabangga mo siya noon or nasingitan mo sa pila, be very afraid.
2) Cersei's trial by fire
Walked naked in Flea Bottom, now we're here!
The show opened with Cersei's trial, the storyline that everyone was anticipating for the finale. And it did not disappoint. NOT. AT. ALL.
However, if you were expecting for Cersei to sit in front of a gallery and be ridiculed and judged by the High Sparrow, then you probably didn't get the memo. There was no way Cersei was going to endure that kind of humiliation again at the hands of her enemies and we finally saw what she was plotting all season. She's been uncharacteristically quiet, just biding her time, operating behind the scenes.
In one of the most memorable scenes in the show's history, Cersei destroyed the hall where she was going to be tried with barrels of wildfire, effectively killing everyone—the High Sparrow, Margaery, Loras, Kevan Lannister. Everyone.
And although she tried to protect Tommen, she couldn't protect Tommen from himself as he jumped out the window to his death. I don't know how good in bed Margaery was for Tommen to do that but she must have been really, really good. Wala bang nagsabi kay Tommen na bata pa siya at marami pang iba? Tommen is basically the Justin Bieber of Westeros not only because of his hair but also because of how irritating he is.
And now with all her children dead, Cersei is the only one left to sit on the throne in King's Landing as Jaime looks on in an expression that can only be described as horror mixed with constipation.
Chances of Cersei getting stabbed by Jaime next season: High. You remember the prophecy that a sibling will be the one to kill Cersei? Jaime certainly has the motivation to do it now. And with all her children gone, what would stop Cersei from doing crazier things?
1) The North Remembers
The Bastard King of the North!
In a shocking revelation, Game of Thrones all but confirmed a long-standing theory about Jon Snow's parents. If you're new to the show, there's a theory floating around for many years now that Jon Snow is actually the son of Lyanna Stark, Ned's sister.
In one of Bran's flashbacks we see Ned talking to Lyanna on her deathbed. She's bleeding to death after giving birth and hands over a baby to Ned. She asked him to take care of the baby and warns him of "what Robert will do" if he finds out. You see, Lyanna Stark was raped by Rhaegar Targaryen. And as we look at the baby, the scene shifts to a modern day Jon Snow with his beard and his man bun. Which means that Daenerys Targaryen, the daughter of the Mad King is...Jon's aunt.
Oh. Em. Gee.
And now that they've won, the Northern houses are debating on whether they should unite under one banner and fight off the invading White Walkers or go back to their homes now that the coldest winter in a thousand years has come. But they were just about to decide to go home when that 10-year-old badass Lyanna Mormont laid the smack down on everyone in the room. I think we all need 10-year-old badasses like Lyanna Mormont in our lives to speak for us in such occasions. She can stand up in the middle of a family reunion and say, "Ikaw, Tita Girlie, naalala mo nung sinabi mong ang taba niya at hindi siya papayat? Pumayat na siya ng 10 pounds! Ano ka ngayon?! At ikaw, Tita Virgie, naalala mo nung sinabi mong hindi siya magkaka-girlfriend? Dalawa na girlfriend niya ngayon, pinagsasabay niya!"
Chances of Lyanna Mormont being our spirit animal: Very High. She says what everybody else is thinking but don't have the balls to say. If Jon Snow dies, we mourn. If Tyrion dies, we cry. But if Lyanna Mormont dies, we riot.
Winter is coming. But so is Khaleesi
And seeing as how Khaleesi, Tyrion, the Sand Snakes, and Olenna Tyrell are on their way to Westeros, we might be able to finally witness an episode where Lyanna Mormont and Olenna Tyrell just say mean things to each other for a full one hour and see who cries first. The "Battle of the Bastards" was great, but that is an episode I know we'd all love to see.
10/10. Perfect ending to one of the best seasons, if not the best season, of Game of Thrones we've had so far. Season 7 can't come soon enough!
Rey de la Cruz Jr. likes talking about films as much as he likes watching them. He runs Reyview.org, a site that provides Filipino moviegoers with reviews written in a voice that is uniquely Pinoy.