Or why you’re having sex to get pregnant but aren’t getting her pregnant yet. Low sperm count notwithstanding, we really show you how the fertility game works!
It’s our favorite time of the year—that’s aside from Christmas and the FHM 100 Sexiest Victory Party; okay, it’s our THIRD favorite time of the year! But who’s counting, right? What’s more important is it’s now February. The love month. The okay-lang-magwaldas-para-sa-date month. The only month men are allowed to be ultra-cheesy.
But do you have any idea HOW to be cheesy? Are you and your lady constantly bickering about your lack of romance? Do you attribute your singlehood to your lack of wooing skills? Well, we’re going to solve these all for you! FHM will be dishing out daily how-to-be-a-Don-Romantiko tips the whole month of February!
You've been trying your best to have her conceive your first junior for quite some time now but still have no luck. You've danced your way to Obando and performed the fertility rites but there's still no baby bump in sight. You've been humping like rabbits so you can't really fathom why you can't get her pregnant.
GIF via goodreads.com
Now here's the dreaded question: Maybe you're baog though? “Twelve months, or a year of trying without restrictions or contraceptives tapos wala pa rin, is considered a case of primary infertility,” says Dr. Meneline Wong, obstetrician-gynecologist at Chinese General Hospital. “But we’re not saying it’s permanent,” she adds.
So, what are the things that can hinder fertility? And what are the possible reasons that you might be, uhm, baog. Check out our list below!
YOUR SWIMMERS AREN'T SWIMMING
Accoding to Urologist Dr.Calixtro Tamayo, a sperm check confirms a sperm's health: “Motility—is the sperm able to move into the female reproductive tract properly? Liquefaction—nalulusaw ba normally? These things determine if a sperm is healthy.” Fortunately, this “can be reversed. And chances of fertility can be improved.”
HER EGGS AREN'T "HATCHING"
“We call it anovulation. A woman doesn’t ovulate on her own, which is also hormonal—in layman’s terms hindi siya nangingitlog. No egg, no baby,” says Dr. Wong.
INFECTIONS IN ONE OR BOTH GENITALS
The most common: endometriosis in females, damaged sperm ducts in males. “Endometriosis is an infection, which in layman’s is nagkakaroon ng adhesions or nagdidikit-dikit yung uterine lining ng babae, it’s usually hormonal,” explains Dr. Wong. On your end, Dr. Tamayo says, “infections from diseases like tuberculosis and STDs can scar the epididymis—or the tube behind the testes, which can block sperm flow.”
GIF via buzzfeed.com
“Siyempre when you’re stressed andiyan yung performance issues,” says Dr. Tamayo. It’s not just your penis that’s affected though. Unchecked, they make big waves. “Her cortisol levels go up, so there’s hormone imbalance, and all of it adds up," shares Dr. Wong. "Basically, continual, high-level stress equals mahirap magbuntis. Not 100 percent hindi mabubuntis, pero mahirap mabuntis.”
SHE'S STOPPED PRODUCING EGGS
“It varies kasi mayroong in her early 20s and her ovaries have stopped producing eggs. So walang age bracket for when a woman is most fertile. Pero in general, as long as the woman is not menopause—then the younger you are, the easier it is for you to get pregnant,” says Dr. Wong. “Pinakamatandang patient ko na nabuntis is 42.”
BARA IN ONE OR BOTH OF YOUR TESTICLES
Dr. Tamayo notes that one of the common reasons you can’t make babies is because of varicocele, he explains: “Varicocele is basically varicose veins in your scrotum.” Basically, blood flows into your bayag but it doesn’t flow out the abdomen the way it’s supposed to because of a faulty vein, so it slides back and stretches the smaller veins around the testicles. “What we do in surgery is, we identify the vein that produces varicocele and then we cut it.”
Now, if you think you don't have any of the pregnancy-hindering conditions mentioned above, here's our no-fail, scientifically-proven methods on how to properly cook up babies—meaning how to get her pregnant quick!
READY HER EGGS FOR INSEMINATION
GIF via Pinterest.com
Dr. Wong explains that while women here don’t have the equivalent of Viagra yet, there are fertility pills—prescription medicine, not vitamins—that assist women who can’t cycle fertility. “We give them ovulating medications like Clomifin-citrate, so their eggs dilate, hoping na pag lumaki yung eggs nila, they can get pregnant.” She warns, though, that “hindi yan magic, na pag ininom niya mabubuntis na siya. With some people it works the first try, others several months.”
USE THE RIGHT CONTRACEPTIVES
So that when you decide to move from contraception to making babies, the transition will be smooth. “Pills okay lang, once she stops, balik na yung normal population of the eggs. Sometimes it helps pa in regulating their cycle.” On the downside: “With injectables, matagal before she’s fertile ulit. It takes around eight months after—or longer, you can’t say for sure. So if I have to recommend, I prefer oral contraceptives.”
WHILE HAVING SEX
LAY OFF THE LAWAY
Because either saliva is too acidic for your sperm—same as in women’s eggs. Dr. Wong adds: “No oral. At least not during the schedule na binigay ko to do it.” Plus you know how the saying goes: No KY (jelly), no laway. Dr. Tamayo notes, “as long as the lube is water-based, it's fine.”
DON'T THINK JUST DO
Outside of the technicalities of infections and defects, Dr. Tamayo reminds that your head plays a big part in this, too. “Kasi first and foremost you need to get it up. Psychology plays a big impact.” Dr. Wong adds, “Sometimes if I give them a schedule na, 'itong time na ito mag-do kayo.’ If they think about it too much the sex itself will become robotic. So minsan hindi ko na sinasabi sa husband, sa wife na lang. Kasi pag alam na ng lalaki, feeling nila they have to perform, so lalo silang nastre-stress.”
POSITION YOURSELF HOWEVER YOU LIKE
Dr. Wong says, “They say when a woman has a retroverted or baliktad yung uterus you need to do it doggy style para mabilis mabuntis. The assumption is 'pag antiverted (normal) uterus, missionary will do. Tapos pag retroverted, dahil baliktad yung matres, mas madali i-shoot yung sperm doggy style. But that’s a myth.” Dr. Tamayo adds, “Your sperm, if healthy, can swim upstream or downstream inside the reproductive tracts. It doesn’t follow the rules of gravity, and out of millions it only takes one.”
DO IT WHEN SHE'S STICKY/CRANKY
By regular cycle count, that’s 14 days after her first day of period. On irregular cycles, when her ob-gyne’s pinned down a schedule, “we do follicle-size determination, to measure kung kelan lalaki yung eggs niya.”
The DIY way of knowing when she’s fertile? When her discharge is sticky (but not bloody), and her puson hurts like hell. Dr. Wong notes, “fluid from her eggs, as it’s released, irritates her peritoneum. So masakit ang puson niya, mabigat ang balakang. These are signs she’s ovulating.”
POST-INTERCOURSE / ANTI-MISCARRIAGE
GIF via Giphy
LOAD HER UP WITH NUTRIENTS
A pregnant woman’s prenatal vitamins include: iron, folic acid, calcium. Milk supplements are also advised, as well as gorging on different sets of food in the dietary pyramid, for two.
LET HER STICK TO HER ROUTINES
Running is actually okay, according to Dr. Wong, “If the woman has an athletic lifestyle prior: she runs every day, she plays badminton, and then she becomes pregnant, she can still do it—not in the same intensity, pero pwede pa rin.” The tricky bit, she adds is “for women who have sedentary lifestyles, tapos during pregnancy takot tumaba saka mag e-exercise ng bongga. It can lead to bleeding and premature uterine contractions.”
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