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Nov 4, 2016
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It's been a year since the breakup, but you still haven't moved on. You can't help but think about your ex-girlfriend every single day. When you're alone, all you do is stalk her on Facebook

At times, you get tempted to tell her how you really feel. However, there are still so many questions bothering you: "Is it worth another chance?"; "Does she feel the same way, too?"; or "Will I no longer get hurt this time around?"

Bianca Locsin, MA RP, founding partner of and consultant at Better Steps Psychology, Inc., says there will always be risks associated with going back to old dynamics, routines, and expectations that didn't work out the first time around.

"The risk that accompanies second chances is in failing to address and recognize the old issues that made you break up in the first place. You risk falling into the illusion that a new chapter will be different just because time has passed. Many issues, when not addressed properly, in fact often compound instead of decrease," Locsin explains.

This makes it imperative that you know and examine yourself thoroughly before getting back together with a former flame. Real love only develops after making yourself a top priority.

Meanwhile, Locsin notes that a breakup isn't so bad after all. It could give each individual time and space to breathe and reflect about their own selves and the relationship.

"It might help individuals gain perspective about what the relationship means to them, what they will lose or gain, and what they each need and want for themselves." She adds: "It is easier to afford your relationships these spaces for movement and improvement if they're anchored in your value system."

A break can help individuals re-examine their priorities and evaluate how they can create a new balance given the new and existing elements of their lives.

If you're going to give a relationship a second chance, make sure you do it wholeheartedly. Recognize the past issues you've had and make sure they are dealt with or accepted. Acknowledge your own mistakes and take the initiative to correct them instead of pointing out your partner's flaws.

"Have an open conversation about each other's expectations and each person's abilities and willingness to meet those expectations. If your partner has wronged you, make sure you have forgiven her if you want to make it work."

Bianca Isabel Locsin, MA RP is the Founding Partner of and a Consultant at Better Steps Psychology, Inc. Their office is located in Unit 305 Fortune Building, 144 Pasig Blvd, Pasig City. Reach them via Facebook for inquiries.

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