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Nov 14, 2016
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It's been years since you and your ex-girlfriend parted ways, but you still miss her from time to time. You remember fondly how adorable she'd look whenever you were to busy to shower her with attention. You recall that paawa face she'd normally make when she wanted to see a cheesy movie with you. 

Sometimes, you get tempted to send her a message on Facebook and tell her how you really feel. Nothing wrong with that, says Dr. Joy-Alvi R. Arañas, RPsy, RGC, counseling psychologist from Pathways Counseling and Assessment Center, but don't set your expectations high.

"You are not in control of how your ex would react," he says. "Therefore, you have to reflect on why you want your feelings known to her. What's your purpose in doing so? This question will guide you on your decision to let her know about your feelings or not."

However, it would be a totally different story if you're already seeing someone else.

Dr. Arañas says it's completely normal to think about your past girlfriend when you're seeing someone new as "the memories you shared with someone you loved are retained in your mind for the rest of your life."

He further explains, "As human being, we are blessed with a gift to store memories, pleasant or unpleasant in our brain. These memories trigger the feeling of missing someone."

It is what you do with that feeling that will determine whether you are being fair or unfair to your new partner.

"We are also given the capacity to think logically and not be persuaded by the feelings that will eventually hurt other people," he notes.

Reaching out to your former flame will only open the door for doubts, hurts, and misunderstandings that may cause problems in your current relationship in the long run. So resist the urge to get in touch with your ex. Instead, completely get over the person. Be at peace with what had happened in the past and move on. 

If you think there is a need to share your feelings with your new girl, you have to be ready with the consequences. The effect of whatever decisions you might have depends on how your partner will accept or perceive it.

"Sharing your feelings to your partner is fine if you think it'd help in keeping the relationship stronger. However, you have to bear in mind that you cannot control how she will react or how she will be affected by your feelings," he warns.

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Dr. Joy Alvi R. Aranas,  RPsy, RGC is a counseling psychologist from Pathways Counseling and Assessment Center. For consultation, you can visit him at 718 Sunday Street St. Joseph Village, Panapaan, City of Bacoor, Cavite.

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