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Feb 10, 2015
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It’s never easy to tell if a girl is into you or not—in fact, it’s that weird, does-she-or-doesn’t-she limbo that keeps you hooked (and with women employing Jedi mind tricks all the damn time, you could be married ten years and still don’t know if she likes you or not).

But if you’re the kind of dude who needs some kind of certainty in his life, here’s a little checklist of ways to wisen up. Tick one (or all!) of the boxes? Carry on, intrepid soldier, there are many more Tinder profiles to swipe.

Note: Women are such contrary beings that she could be guilty of all the things on this list but actually be crazy in love with you all this time. Your mileage may vary.

1)   You’ve been in the seen-zone a while now

she's not into you signsImage via Imgur.com

So you’re chatting away with some pretty little thing online. You think it’s going pretty well, so you try to venture into IRL hanging out with a not-so-timid overture: “Labas naman tayo minsan.” SEEN. You figure she’s busy or something and had to sign off without saying BRB, but it’s been a few days and despite your constant vigilance, no dancing blue dots or ‘typing’ show up on the screen. Just: READ. Delete the thread.

2)   She calls you “Kuya”

she's not into you signsImage via Quickmeme.com

Please don’t be the perv who gets turned on by a girl treating you like her big brother. If she consistently refers to you as her "bro," or if she says “You remind me so much of my brother/dad(!)/any other male relative,” please, save the shreds of your dignity by backing off quietly. Especially telling sign: if the “Kuya” is followed by a tearful “'Wag po.”

3)   She keeps setting you up with her friends

she's not into you signsGIF via Smellthegrindstone.com

Bagay kayo ng best friend ko!” is girl-speak for: “I know you’re into me, and I am so not into you, but my womanly instinct is to set you up with someone so I don’t feel guilty.” Take her up on it! Her friend may be even hotter. #stillawin

4)   She lets you see her without her ‘face’ on

she's not into you signsGIF via Idiva.com

In the early stages, girls know better than to show guys their tunay na anyo (even if you don’t notice the eyebags or zit scars anyway—wait, you don’t right? Please say you don’t). Trust us—if you thought she looked au naturel, she still spent at least fifteen minutes in front of a mirror with her bag of magic tricks. If she didn’t give a rat’s ass about you, she will look like she’s been subsisting on coffee and cigarettes for three days (and chances are, she has been—and she doesn’t care if you notice).


5)   She always insists on bringing a friend when you hang out

she's not into you signsGIF via Grantland.com

And no, it’s not because you’re that awesome so she must show you off to your friends. It’s so she doesn’t have to be alone with you, you idiot. Or, she’s parading her (equally bored by you) friends in front of you in the hopes that you’ll like one of them instead (see N0. 3!).

6)   She can’t stop talking about Channing Tatum/Jamie Dornan/Ryan Gosling

she's not into you signsGIF via jdbrecords.blogspot.com

She isn’t posing a challenge for you to step up (see what we did there?) and grow some epic musculature (or develop an S&M fetish)—she’s actually trying to subtly tell you what kind of guy she’s looking for and would rather be dating (and that golden standard is nowhere near what you can achieve). Yes, it’s okay to be offended that she would rather pin her flimsy hopes on a Hollywood celeb than artistahin-din-naman-ako you.

7)   She goes on and on about the ex she’s still in love with

she's not into you signsGIF via Collegetimes.com

You’re not her chance to believe in love again, you’re her free therapist. Hearing her "issues" should also expose the fact that she’s more damaged than the ozone layer—clearly someone you shouldn’t be building your dreams of happily ever after on.