'Huwag mo kasing i-best friend ang taong gusto mong syota-in,' says Stanley. But if you can't help yourself, here are his best tips to help you accomplish the feat.
So, you think being best friends with a hot chick will make you her future boyfriend? Style mo, bulok.
Sure, being her best friend gives you front row seats, but it doesn’t put you one step ahead of her other admirers. It just means you’re the guy whom she can boss around because, you know, mag-best friend naman kayo, eh.
And before you deny everything and say you never planned to use your best-friend status as a stepping stone, please, umayos ka. Friendship between a heterosexual boy and girl is normal, but the moment you label yourself as a female’s BEST friend, then it’s more likely that you have ulterior, more manyak motives.
"Guys, ano ba kayo? Close lang talaga kami ni Jenny."
(Image via RDSNation.com)
Let’s face it: A guy and a girl can’t be best of friends…unless one wants to bang the other. You can suppress what you feel all you want, but sooner or later, you can no longer deny the truth.
BFF SEDUCTION: THE 7-STEP STANLEY STRATEGY
Lucky for you, I’m an expert when it comes to the art of seduction, even when I’m not trying. (Hey, it’s not my fault if everybody wants to have sex with me—women, men, animals and even some vegetation. I can’t help it.)
Anyway, after you decide to stop lying to yourself about why you’re best friends with a member of the opposite sex, you can finally apply these tried and tested techniques of mine to win your girl over to the non-friend zone.
Step 1: Use your Text Appeal
Be a different person when you’re texting her: Matuto kang magpahaging at magparinig. Guys aren’t the only ones who hate easy conquests; girls do, too. That’s why they are inexplicably attracted to mysterious guys!
So, instead of always laying your cards on the table, keep them close to your chest and play mind games with her. She will wonder, “Ano ba ‘to, bakit siya ganyan?”
You're doing just fine, Simba.
Step 2: Ignore and Score
After texting her like a sweet little boy, act like you’re suplado when you’re together. Repeat after me: Mixed signals are go signals.
The inconsistency builds intrigue—nobody wants a predictable guy with no tricks up his sleeve. Since she’s too shy to ask why you’re sweet on the phone and suplado in person, she will just wonder quietly – in other words, she’ll keep thinking about you.
Step 3: Apply the Selos Factor
Talk about how hot this crush of yours is. Depending on the degree of jealousy she exhibits, you can also discreetly compare her with your best friend once in a while.
Pagselosin mo kasi. We don’t have to be the only ones who always feel protective and possessive. If she feels insecure whenever she sees you with her, she may believe she’s falling for you.
Another good sign: she's causing others to fall:
Step 4: Use the Gentlemanyak Approach
Be a gentleman and carry her bags, but flirt a little—dapat, may hagod.
Slightly touch her hand while walking, but make it look like inaalalayan mo lang siya. Whenever you make beso, make your lips linger on her cheek. If you can get away with it, let your lips wander closer to hers. If you executed Steps 1 to 3 carefully, kikiligin na siya niyan.
Step 5: Test the Waters
Is someone being creepy towards her (other than you, that is)? It’s time to offer your services as a fake boyfriend.
Tell her you can pose as her boyfriend if she has a stalker or needs to turn down a suitor—dito magkakaalaman. If she enjoys your pretend-relationship, it means she will also enjoy it once it’s for real.
Step 6: Do the St. Peter Move
In other words, i-deny mo siya.
When people ask if you’re secretly in love with your best friend, deny to death and turn the tables around. Ask them if she’s secretly in love with you. It’s just a matter of time before someone says she is. Meron at merong aamin because they probably think you’re great for each other—hey, it’s why they asked in the first place.
Unless of course you're Marvin and Jolina na walang aminan na naganap:
Step 7: Talk About the White Elephant
Tell her you have a secret to share with her. Then, pretend you’re having second thoughts. Tell her she has to promise that she’ll keep your secret if she wants to hear it. Then, share your secret, a.k.a. your “wet dream”.
It’s a horny dream that bothers you in your waking hours, one which you have to tell someone you trust. This “dream” doesn’t have to be real—you can tell her the plot of your favorite porn movie if you wish.
Say the magic words, “Huwag mong isipin na tayong dalawa ito, ha. Kadiri yun.”
She may laugh it off at first, but she will definitely be thinking about it afterwards. After all, you can’t tell people to not think about something. For example: DON’T think of a big, juicy burger. Are you thinking of a big, juicy burger? Told ya.
WHAT HAPPENS KUNG PALPAK KA
Disclaimer: If you fail, it’s not my fault, it’s yours.
The risks may outweigh the advantages if you’re too gigil for your girl best friend, especially if you’re not as pogi and rich as her conyo kid crush.Be prepared for the consequences of your kalibugan if you fail to properly execute the 7-step Stanley Strategy for Seduction:
You will be the laughing stock of your barkada
Well, you asked for it. After all, you made da moves on your best friend.
"Nyak nyak nyak!"
Your friendship will never be the same again
You don’t only lose the chance of winning her over. You also lose your privileged BFF status.
Lesson of the story: Huwag mo kasing i-best friend ang taong gusto mong syotahin.
About the author: Stanley Chi is every man’s man. He wrote the books Suplado Tips, Pogi Points, Chicken Mami for the Sawi, and the bestseller Men Are From QC, Women Are From Alabang. His most recent book, One Night Stan, is now available in bookstores nationwide. Stanley is also a comedian-host and social media genius with a weekly Facebook reach of 4 million (advertisers, pay attention). Follow him on Twitter and Instagram (@stanleychi), or subscribe to his column here on FHM!
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