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May 19, 2013
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Do you keep telling your friends that you’re happy because you’re “single by choice”?

LIAR!

Chances are, you’re single because you have no choice in the matter. Maybe that explains why you hate seeing couples showing public displays of affection at the mall. Maybe that’s why you hate Valentine’s Day. Maybe that’s why you feel like making muni-muni during Christmas.



Maybe you’re single and miserable. And if you’ve had no jowa since birth, stop watching porn romantic comedies to make yourself feel better. Improve your chances of finding a “significant other” by taking a deep, cleansing breath and internalizing everything I’m about to share with you. 


THE REASONS YOU'RE A LOSER STILL SINGLE

You think you’re a catch. You think you deserve to be with a hot chick but you can’t seem to get lucky. You start asking yourself as one tear falls down your left cheek, “What is wrong with me?” Sigh. Where do I begin? Since I can’t help you by saying, “Too many to mention,” let me enumerate the most common reasons why you’re still single up to now, despite the fact that you’re not necessarily ugly...

1. You don’t know any porma moves. You are absolutely clueless about how to get women to smile, more so get them to say yes to a date. You always ask, “Pwede bang manligaw?” instead of actually doing it. Some girls like making the moves –bless their kind hearts –but they are as rare as a straight pubic hair, so be a man of action. Matuto kang manligaw!

2. You stink, literally. Have you ever done a breath check? Do you ooze body odor, not sex appeal? Make sure that’s not the problem –the nose knows.

3. You have the worst personality on earth. You brag about every single thing you’ve done to pimp your stupid car. You are so boring that girls forget you exist. The chikas will never sleep with you –and men will always want to punch you in the face. Stop being an asshole and get over yourself. 

4. You’re so baduy. So what if you’ve got the face of an angel? If you’re jologs, you have low market value. Dude, it's just clothes, not quantum physics; they shouldn’t be too hard to figure out.

5. You’re not looking for a girl. That’s because you’re looking for a boy! I mean, honestly, are you sure you’re not gay? Just asking. If you can relate to any of the above qualities, don’t worry; you are not beyond hope.

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NEXT: More Suplado Solutions for the single soul!


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