Does your life revolve around Facebook? Do you refresh your browser every two seconds just so you know how many people have liked your status? Have you brainwashed yourself into thinking that you’re in a relationship with your crush just because you’re stalking her Instagram account?
If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions, I’m sure you’re most likely to find a victim someone to love online. (Umamin ka na, hindi ka naman nag-iisa e. Marami kayo!)
The internet is the best hangout for guys who are torpe and passive-aggressive, just like you. After all, the online universe feeds your fantasies about that Facebook friend of yours whom you’re lusting after. Checking your social networks is almost as good as browsing an issue of FHM because you can do all of these:
Staring at your “malibog na, malandi pa” friend’s bikini pictures. Many girls think we’re scum of the earth for downloading their bikini photos, but can they blame us? Saving bikini pictures is male instinct! Girls shouldn’t be surprised when we ask, “Saan na yung mga picture mo sa Boracay?”
Waiting for your crush to change her status from “in a relationship” to “single”. It’s okay to be part of the abangers team. Basta ba wala kang ginagawang masama, ‘di ba?
Reading her every tweet. If you have no idea how to score pogi points with the girl of your porn-inspired fantasies, just take a look at her Twitter timeline. She has probably mentioned what food she’s craving for, what concert she wants to go to, and what movie she can’t wait to watch. Her Twitter account is the perfect ligaw guidebook for you! And leave the "Oy, hindi ko binabasa yung Twitter mo!" face at home
Checking out Facebook photos of your friends’ friends. They say there are many fish in the ocean – and I bet there’s no bigger ocean than Facebook. Imagine if each of your Facebook friends has at least one landi-worthy friend. Pray hard and there should at least be one sucker willing to flirt online with you!
Adding girls you don’t know to your Facebook friends list. So what if you don’t have any common friends? Malay mo, maka-tsamba ka. The good thing is, if you do something really stupid while on a date with any of these girls, it’s not like you’re going to piss off any of your old friends.
Of course, you won’t have a good-enough batting average if that’s all you do online. There are other things you can do so that you can finally say, “Ayos! Naka-score din ako!” Click on the next page for more online-ligaw tips!
Nick Oyzon is in the house!
Paging the local government
Also, Mark Hamill strikes back at spoilers