The broob is back, yo! And we’re multiplying—I believe you’ve all met Pong? Let me tell you, it’s freaking awesome having yet another set of XX chromosomes prettying up this dump. It’s only been a month but Pong’s already worn heels and red lipstick and I practically wept with joy. So proud was I.
The nice thing about having other broobs in FHM HQ is the assurance that someone else will join you in your usual “BOYS!” disgusted head shake and eye roll whenever one of the dudes does something particularly, well, lalaki. Someone burps loud enough to rattle a windowpane? Disgusted head shake. Catch a couple of them giving pretty officemates appreciative (read: manyak) once-overs? Eye roll. Spot a pair of dirty underpants in the hotel banyo during the annual planning? BOYS.
Here's Tita Mich. Believe us when we say she gives sound advice
But I’m not one to subscribe to the notion that we women are the fairer sex. For every single pet peeve I have for men, I know that you guys have a bwelta or two—that’s just how it goes. Women are far from perfect, and we have our own idiosyncrasies that are just, like, DAFUQ??? History is littered with men who have gone to war, drank themselves silly, or made art (or all three) thanks to the follies and capriciousness of women—so you’re not alone in going batshit crazy over women and their weirdness.
Which brings me to the point of this blog entry: At the risk of oversimplifying the complexities of my kind, I shall attempt to break down some of your basic conundrums regarding your girlfriend. Welcome to the first edition of Tita Mich, ano pong gagawin ko tuwing…?
Or you could just use the Manslater...in your dreams
Oh, and if she doesn’t give you major pogi points after attempting these fail-proof methods, then she clearly doesn’t care about you making an effort—she’s the one who’s got a problem. Sheesh. Women!
Tita Mich, ano pong gagawin ko tuwing meron sya?
If your girl is clearly in the throes of her monthly visitor, which may or may include: general bitchiness, having the appetite of a construction worker, and tears, tears, tears, LEAVE HER THE HECK ALONE.
You and your dad when BOTH your jowa and mom are having bitch fits
TAMA: Spot the signs early, buy her a nice bar of chocolate, send her extra-loving texts for three or so days, and get out of her way. You are not equipped to handle the realities of womanhood (We freaking bleed and NOT DIE, imagine how that feels!)—so don’t even try.
MALI: Wag na mamilosopo: “Meron ka no?” And DO NOT ask kung “Safe ka pa rin ba?” Utang na loob!
NEXT: More from Tita Mich, like what to do when you forget about that all-important date
These crazy battles are over 9000!
Plus, the Nike Hyper Court app is finally here
It's because she's really the cutest
Spoilers ahead—read at your own risk