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A lot of men fear the dildo and the vibrator, and with understandable reason: They think these are threats to their ability to please women. If a girl has a dildo on her nightstand, then she must be used to a playmate that’s perpetually huge, hard, and can go on and on and on as long as its batteries haven’t run out—something the average Pinoy can’t quite measure up to.

As someone who not only welcomes a woman’s use of these sex toys, but actually introduced them to his partners in the first place, I’m telling you now that these toys aren’t just a woman’s friend—they can be yours, too.

I learned about sex at a very early age. Reading a lot as a kid made me aware of what the human body is capable of sexually and what its limitations are. Since then, I have never viewed anything that enhanced pleasure as something negative.

As a sexually active adult, I’ve invited a bunch of friends in to hike up the fun in the bedroom, and I’m not just talking about handcuffs and blindfolds. I’ve used vibrators, dildos, vibrating rings that you put on your member, and finger massagers with massage head tips that fit onto your fingers—toys that are waterproof, easy to clean, and non-allergenic so you know they’re not just kinky, they’re safe, too.

Once you open your mind to these things, you will see that toys are there not to push you out of the picture, but to enhance the experience for both you and your partner

 

Food such as fruits, whipped cream, ice, and chocolate are also often on the menu (pun intended). I’ve had quite an extensive relationship with toys in the bedroom, enough to know that those handcuffs usually sold in sex shops have “safety releases,” just in case you lose the keys.

In at least three of the long-term relationships I’ve had, I’ve used vibrators and dildos with my partners. As it takes a bit of time to get familiar with a partner’s sexual inclinations, it’s only natural that you would feel braver about upping the sexual ante with someone you’d been sleeping with for a while. However, I’ve also had some short-term sexual partners who were so into wild sex that they were willing to go further than just normal coitus after the first go.

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In almost all of these sexually adventurous relationships, I brought in the toys first, as a surprise.

Obviously, using sex toys offered my partners a whole new dimension to sex. Not many women will forget the first time they were handcuffed to a bedpost while being banged, or the sensation of a D in her V and a vibe on her clit both going at the same time.

And believe it or not, there are benefits for us guys, too.

Men are concerned about whether or not they are able to satisfy their partners sexually, but at the same time wrongfully believe that having a gigantic schlong is the way to give a woman what she wants. While size may be a factor, it holds way less weight than most men think. We’re Asian, and admittedly, our race is not as physically endowed as others. But we need to realize that satisfying a woman requires a lot more than just having an elephant trunk and whipping it out.

If you are able to take your partner through experiences no other man has ever brought her to, if you can be bothered to use your tongue, your hands, your words, and even technology to give her the night of her life, she’s never going to forget that.

The toys also come in handy in those moments when I’m too tired to keep going for too long. At least I can still be part of her pleasure, even after I’ve had my fill.

And, once you’ve shown a woman your more creative side, she’ll always be wondering, “I wonder what he’ll come up with next?” She’ll be craving you more—yes, even though you’re not hefting a huge dong.

It’s not just the sex that gets better. In my case, my connection with these partners got a boost; overall I became closer to and more open with them, thanks to our heightened intimacy. And if you’re a particularly sexual couple, the sexual openness also facilitates you forming your own silent language both in and out of the bedroom. I’ll leave you to imagine what that’s like.

To be clear, the sex toys hadn’t taken over my sex life with these partners so much that neither of us could get off unless there was a plastic schlong between us. We would usually only use the toys when one or both of us was feeling especially horny, or when one or both of us wanted to try something new. We were satisfied—with or without props.

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Now, say it’s your girlfriend using a vibrator or dildo and the thought alone makes you question your adequacy as a partner, I urge you to try to see things in greater perspective. Educate yourself about the human body, the sexual act, and what gives people pleasure during sex. Once you open your mind to these things, you will see that toys are there not to take over and push you out of the picture, but to enhance the experience for both you and your partner.

Besides, an inanimate object can hardly compete with a living, breathing, learning human being. Are you really going to compare yourself to a piece of plastic that needs a couple of batteries before it can get going?

Dude.

*Name has been changed

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