Do you have a tiny penis? In Filipino, maliit ba ang titi mo?
No? Yeah, us too. Just like you, we've got rocket-sized cocks. Women love us.
But let's all imagine for a moment that we have a bad case of the Small Dicks. What do you think would you feel? It's hard to imagine, isn't it?
So to spare you from imagining dicks—which honestly is hardly the best thing for a man to focus his mind on—we went ahead and did the imagining for you.
Now, let's just get this thing dong with before we run out of schlong-slang...
1) YOU TAKE OFFENSE WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS YOU A BANANA...OF THE SENYORITA VARIETY
Image via Suchamazingworld.com
"Wala ba kayong lakatan?"
2) BATHROOMS WITH PARTITIONED URINAL STALLS ARE THE BEST
Random guys in suits pointing a thumb at your behind don't help at all.
3) AND WHY USE A URINAL WHEN YOU CAN PEE IN AN ENCLOSED TOILET CUBICLE?
And you're willing to wait it out no matter how long it takes.
4) YOU'RE PRETTY MUCH IMMUNE TO "ZIPPER ACCIDENTS"
It just kind of slips through.
5) COLD WEATHER ISN'T EXACTLY YOUR FAVORITE WEATHER
Remember that Honey, I Shrunk The Kids movie? It's like that but for your penis!
6) YOU COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND WHY THE UNIVERSAL JACK-OFF SIGN INVOLVES THE ENTIRE HAND
Aren't a couple of fingers enough?
7) IT'S DIFFICULT TO FIND A CONDOM THAT FITS SNUGLY
It's like hunting down unicorns!
8) RANDOM HARD-ONS DURING THE DAY AREN'T REALLY A NUISANCE
Image via Dumpaday.com
No "kambyo" required!
9) GETTING PANTSED IS ON TOP OF YOUR "THINGS THAT SHOULD NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN TO ME" LIST
Which is why you got into skinny jeans and wear compression tights when playing basketball—even when you're just playing shooting games with your buddies at the kanto court.
10) YOU FELT BETTER AFTER WATCHING THIS VIDEO
It’s NSFW, so just click here.
11) ENRIQUE IGLESIAS BECAME YOUR FAVORITE SINGER WHEN HE ADMITTED TO HAVING "THE SMALLEST PENIS IN THE WORLD."
And Shia LaBeouf and Ashton Kutcher, too!
Get to know the No. 1 overall draft pick of the PBA D-League
President Digong just needs to sign the newly ratified tax reform bill and it will take effect in 15 days
These characters deserve your button-mashing attention
Less minutes for LeBron. A body guard for Joel Embiid. And a happy and healthy Gordon Hayward
Perfect for day trippers, too!