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Aug 6, 2015
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They’ve been our partners in crime all our lives (well, mostly after puberty), but do we really know much about them?

Take a look at these facts about your balls/bayag/testicles/family jewels/yagbols and get to know a real man’s precious more.


BALLS DON'T DROP, THEY "DESCEND"

all about testiclesImage via Drugs.com

And you better be thankful because unlike basketballs, your balls probably won’t be bouncing back up if they hit the ground. Testicle descent is a healthy and natural process in which a male infant’s testicles descends SLOWLY into their respective sacks (scrotum). After six months, if the infant still has a testicle that hasn’t descended, surgery must be performed in order to avoid further complications, which could result in the child losing one of his balls! Oh no!


ONE TESTICLE WONDER

But having just one testicle isn’t the end of the world. Most men who only have one testicle (due to some unfortunate incident or because they were born with only one) function sexually properly. And don’t you worry about having descendants; one ball produces enough sperm to impregnate any healthy woman.


IS GETTING "BLUE BALLS" A REAL THING?

all about testiclesGIF via Collegetimes.com

We know what you’re thinking: "It felt real last night, bro." We know that feeling, and it is a legitimate sensation because there’s actually a science behind that unfortunate discomfort. A process called vasogongestion builds up blood in your balls when you are sexually stimulated (much like how your penis works) and this causes your balls to have this feeling of discomfort and heaviness. It’s not dangerous or anything but your girl doesn’t know that.


TAMEKARI A.K.A. THE TESTICLE-KICKING FETISH (WAIT, WHAT?)

Why? Because Japan of course! An act that is worthy of getting into a show like Jackass, and be featured in countless ball kicking vines for the funnies doesn’t really seem like the sexiest thing in the world but hey, everyone has their kinks.


I CAME IN LIKE A WRECKING BALL

all about testiclesGIF via Reddit.com

The world record for the strongest kick to the groin is 1,100 lbs of force. What’s more impressive was the guy’s training–regular testicle kicking punishment sessions to build testicle endurance which killed his balls nerve endings and pain receptors. Talk about dedication!


"UMATRAS, PARE"

Like all reflex movements, your balls are equipped with a muscle in charge of immediate contraction (Cremasteric muscle) when faced with imminent fear, and/or uncontrollable discomfort (such as reading the previous item on our list). ABOUT-FACE! RETREAT!

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ROID RAGE

all about testiclesImage via Weknowmemes.com

Ever see that extremely buff handsome looking guy at the gym–the one that all the hot fit girls seem to check out? It's okay, bros; just think that there’s a chance his balls are smaller than yours. Using steroids produces excess testosterone which in turn affects your testicles that are supposed to be the ones in charge of that department. Using steroids is like telling your balls that they don’t have a place in your body anymore, and that’s just mean.


THE R-SPOT

You’ve heard about the G-spot being the go-to thing when it comes to pleasuring your lady friend but did you know she could return the favor to you in ways you would’ve never expected. Meet the R-spot, the thin skin fold that runs across your jewels’ etches from top to bottom. Let her stroke this area from time to time while your getting kinky for that sensational tingly experience.


NOT-SO-LOVELY MAN LUMPS

Image via Photobucket.com

Like the popular breast exam trend that’s being going around in recent years, knowing your balls are lump-free is a serious matter. But if you do find a lump, don’t think you're dead. A lot of lumps can be treated with topical medicines.

Speaking of which, here are man lumps we're talking about:

Varicocele: Veins are particularly larger and more pronounced. In most cases, you don’t even need treatment and they’ll go back to normal…eventually.

Hydrocele: Swelling is caused by copious amounts of fluid around the testicle. In most cases, the fluid goes away on its own in about six months or less, but some serious cases (the ones that give great discomfort to the patient) would require a tube to be surgically implanted to drain the fluid.

Epididymitis: Your eggs might inflame and turn reddish. Get the proper medication from your doctor if you're experiencing this.

Worst comes to worst: Testicular cancer comes very rarely (about 1 out of every 25 lumps is diagnosed as cancerous) and is quite an uncommon cause for lumps.

Long story short: Feel up your balls regularly, or have a hot female nurse (like this one) do it for you. Better safe than sorry, right?


YOUR BALLS ARE A LOT COOLER THAN YOU'LL EVER BE

While the normal body temperature of an average human being is 37 degrees celsius, your balls like to chill at a more comfortable 2-4 degrees lower. This provides a better environment for manufacturing sperm, which makes a lot of sense when you think about it (read: would you want to work in a hot factory or an air-conditioned room?)

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