Some of Marvel’s greatest superheroes trying to stop Thanos from obliterating half of the universe’s population was not the only battle taking place in Avengers: Infinity War. The whole flick was practically a pissing contest between the cast’s larger than life characters. Iron Man ripping on Dr. Strange, and Strange not taking his classic Stark one-liners lying on his magical cape, was fun to witness. Thor and Star-Lord verbally duking it out for the most masculine presence in space was certainly hilarious for many. And get this, even Bruce Banner was having an internal struggle with his alter-ego The Hulk (talk about issues).
But for those of us who’ve seen the film, there was one epic battle that stood out: the battle for Best Beard in the movie. From RDJ’s signature sleek scruff, to Chris Pratt’s intergalactic facial hair, Infinity War had no shortage of grooming gods to look up to. The real question, however, is: Which Avenger had a beard capable of conquering the MCU? Let’s face it, it looked as if Thanos was the only one with time to visit his barber.
You know Tony Stark is rolling in the dough because his moustache and goatee are always properly trimmed. Truth be told, it’s a crime to hide that well-manicured mug behind a helmet. We’re sure that Pepper Potts agrees.
Hey, you can’t be the guardian of the Time Stone and look like someone going through a midlife crisis. Maybe the fact the Strange used to be a professional doctor is the reason for his great grooming practices.
Facial hair can’t hide the fact that, despite being the Captain of the Guardians of the Galaxy, Pratt has a babyface that Anna Faris once loved.
God of Thunder. Pirate Angel. One-eyed hammer-wielder. Call him what you want, but even after going through an epic explosion that would’ve killed any mere mortal, Thor’s magnetism was still powerful enough to catch Gamora’s attention. Life isn’t fair.
Nothing says “all-American hero” like a full-on lumbersexual beard. Easy now, Cap! You’re making the women in the audience want a taste of your Super-Soldier Serum.
You can count on the Winter soldier to appear as if he’s been in hibernation for a while now. Bucky’s new look goes for that brooding five-o-clock shadow befitting of a one-armed assassin.
One adjective best describes Sam Wilson’s choice of facial hair: aerodynamic.
There’s nothing remotely feline about T’Challa’s man-scruff. It’s a beard that commands authority, a natural accessory that’s probably trimmed using a Vibranium-charged razor. Wakanda forever!
The character with the best facial hair in the film isn’t even a man (he isn’t a rabbit too, Thor). Rocket Raccoon is one suave space explorer, and we have a feeling it has something to do with his thick fur and penchant for comedy. And if he weren’t considered a critter in the real world, we’re sure the women would be on that really quick. Why does Bradley Cooper get to have all the fun?