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How Not To Style Your Hair, According To Your Favorite Wrestlers

They can't wrestle with their hairstyle decisions
by Emmanuel Calingacion | Oct 9, 2018
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John Cena’s been making headlines online lately, and it’s not about what you might think. It’s not about an upcoming blockbuster match. It’s not about his long-awaited heel turn. It’s not how bad his new finisher is. Surprisingly, it’s about his hair.

Cena showed up at WWE Super Showdown, a glorified house show in Melbourne, Australia, with a new do. People didn’t know what to make of it. It wasn’t bad, it just seemed off.

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Even John Cena seems to be making fun of himself when he uploaded a screenshot of Homer Simpson with hair in the Treehouse Of Horror episode of The Simpsons.

Mostly it made people uncomfortable because we’ve gotten so used to John Cena rockin’ a military cut. Unfortunately, he’s not the only one who has had a history with bad hairdos in wrestling. These are some of the folks that are in the same boat with John Cena.

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Chris Jericho

Yes, Y2J used to rock this really high ponytail back in the '90s. Apparently, it was a thing back then. Obviously, Jericho doesn’t wear his locks like this anymore, and you shouldn't either no matter how long your locks grow. You don't want to have a battle of the ponytails against Ariana Grande. BAH-GAWD what did they do to this poor baby?!

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Sheamus

People chanting “YOU LOOK STUPID!” is the best way to summarize this do. What was the Celtic Warrior thinking? It does kind of match his fiery fighting style and tough nature, though. Seriously, even when Sheamus is slamming bodies in the ring or he’s the one getting slammed, that mohawk stays up—sturdy and silly. Save yourself the embarrassment and go on with your life without regrets.

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Tyson Kidd

Everyone probably knows Tyson Kidd not by his name, but by those 'kalbong may bangs' memes. Yes, he’s the guy on the right, sporting an otherwise bald head part from five to ten strands of hair spiked up in the front. We, like Tyson, want to forget this was ever a thing, and you should, too. Putting bangs on a bald head will be the worst move you make.

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Rocky Maivia

If you’re still having doubts, yes, that’s Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson during his rookie years as Rocky Maivia with that undercut Jheri curl. The Rock acknowledged this rather forgettable and embarrassing moment in his career with some laughs, calling it "the pineapple haircut." Thankfully, he's run out of choices of hairdos and just went bald. If you ever feel like rocking something like this, just go shave your head. You'll thank us later.

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The British Bulldog

Many know The British Bulldog because of his charisma, good-looks, physique, and his unbridled strength. But a few remember how bad his hair was. Are those dreadlocks? Cornrows? They look like tangled up worms hanging from his head. In any case, if you’re rocking long locks, ditch this idea completely. Unless you have a BDSM kink, then flog all you want.

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Carlito

We all remember Carlito, the cool dude in a Hawaiian shirt who always brings with him an apple. Sometimes though, we don’t believe that he’s as cool as he says he is. Because that haircut, that’s not cool. With his catchphrase “I spit on the face of people who don’t want to be cool,” we wonder how many times he spat on himself. For us, he’ll always be the Puerto Rican version of Sideshow Bob.

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Enzo Amore

Well, he just goes by "Real1" now, but we really don’t care. The former wrestler is now a wanna-be hip-hop artist, and he tried to match his new profession with a new do. And shockingly, it looks worse than his hairstyle when he was still a wrestler. Don't be like him and look like an older, battered, badly-tattooed version of Justin Bieber. If you want to add a creepy I'm-a-man-now mustache, that's up to you.

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The Undertaker

Apparently, The Undertaker still wrestles from time to time. And although he’s back with his trademark long dark locks, there was a time when he opted to sport a flat mohawk. We have nothing but respect for The Deadman, but we wish we’ve seen the last of this version of him. And may this hairdo REST...IN...PEACE.

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