If you still don't have a car and have no other choice but to use public transportation to get yourself to and from wherever, then you will agree that getting from point A to point B in the Philippines requires you to:
a) leave your house three hours ahead of schedule
b) have a huge amount of patience, and
c) ready a prayer in case your patience runs out (which is likely to happen).
When you leave the house two hours early and
still arrives 30 minutes late for work
Aside from the sanity-sucking Metro Manila traffic, and participating in the human-canned-sardines experiment laboratory a.k.a. the Metro Rail Transit (MRT), people spend more of their long commutes inside an FX or a UV Express van. And similar to the MRT, riding this kind of transportation also requires you to follow an unwritten set of rules so no one will attempt to imaginably kill you inside their brains—or worse, in real life.
Image via planyourtripnow.com
So, in order for you to avoid having a black eye or pissing off your fellow passengers, here are 10 signs you're an FX or UV Express douche.
1) If you're the first one to sit on the passenger seat but are reluctant to move beside the driver if a fellow commuter chooses to sit shotgun, too—and your stop is the LAST terminal. You're a douche.
2) If you're seated at the back and you put your arm or place your elbows on the "head rest" on the row of seats in front of you even if there's already a HEAD RESTING ON IT. Or if you don't care if your elbow's touching or already resting on someone else's knees. Either you're pulling off a #galawangbreezy move or you're just a dick.
3) If you're carrying tons of things and you try to squeeze it all in a space allotted for a single person. You know we exist, too, right? You could pay for another seat, a-hole.
4) If you're a couple and you start arguing inside the vehicle. No matter how much you muffle your LQ, we can still pretty much hear it. Aaaawkward.
5) If you're a manspreading prick.
6) If you smoke cigarettes while waiting for a ride. We're not fragrance-sensitive people, but we're inside a moving car and we'd totally appreciate it if you don't stain the already stuffy AC with your nicotine-smelling self.
7) If you sit on the middle row yet you don't flinch one bit when someone hands over his/her fare to the driver. Even if his/her hand is BESIDE your f*cking face.
8) If you hoard the A/C. You're the worst.
9) If you hoard the A/C AND subject us to the putrid smell of your body. If you're rich enough to pay for FX fare, know that you can buy deodorant for only P5, and that'll be enough to hide your B.O. for one week.
10) If you're a criminal who targets FX/UV Express passengers. Here's our middle finger salute!