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Here's To The New You: Which Food Myths Are Real?

Do fruits really make our jizz taste sweeter? Does oyster really make us horny? More importantly, do protein shakes really make our penises shrink? 
by Stuart Hood | Jan 17, 2015
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New You

Welcome to the new you, FHM Nation!

We've just entered a New Year, and there's no better time to turn things around than now. If you're on the heavier side, now is the time to slim down and bulk up. And if you're a bit on the skinny side, well, you know what to do. In fact, you've always had!

All we're trying to say is that it's never too late to change your body for the better. And our goal is to prove that to you for the whole month of January. Don't lose hope, bros. We're here to help you out!


Welcome to FHM's Food Myth Busters!

These are the things you've always wanted to know but were too hungry to ask. Do fruits really make our jizz taste sweeter? Does oyster really make us horny? More importantly, do protein shakes really make our penises shrink? Read on to find out!


1)   BEANS MEAN EXCESSIVE GAS

BEans

The theory
Beans, beans, the musical fruit, the more you eat, the more you toot. Sure, it rhymes but is it true?

The Facts
“When certain foods such as beans and cabbage are broken down by bacteria in your large bowel, they form gas,” explains Dr. Sneh Khemka, medical director of BUPA. “Also, beans are a great source of soluble fiber, which isn’t broken down until it reaches your large intestine, and this can cause further gas to form.” Conclusion? The more you toot, the better you feel, so eat them beans at every meal!

Verdict
FOOD TRUTH!


2)   PINEAPPLE MAKES YOUR JIZZ TASTE SWEET

Pineapple

The theory
Treat the one you love to a totally tropical taste sensation, because chowing down on juicy fruit gives you a fruity shoot.

The facts
“I’ve never tasted my own jizz,” says legendary porn star Ben Dover (ben-dover.biz). “But I’ve enjoyed several thousand secondhand accounts, and they all say that the more sweet the food, such as pineapple, the sweeter the jizz.”

Continue reading below ↓

Verdict
FOOD TRUTH!


3)   OYSTER MAKES YOU HORNY

Oyster

The theory
Something this slimy and crippling expensive must have at least one redeeming quality. Who needs Viagra when you’ve got a plateful of these shell-based treats?

The facts
“There’s no scientific proof of this,” says Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of igniteyourpleasure.com. “But oysters are high in zinc, which is said to boost sexual desire, and Casanova supposedly consumed them before trysts. My view is that they have a placebo effectbelieve it and it will do its magic, so to speak.” Basically, if you think you’re going to stay up all night with a beautiful woman, then you will. (That’s how it works, right?)

Verdict
FOOD MYTH!


4)   DROPPED FOOD REMAINS GERM-FREE IF YOU PICK IT UP WITHIN FIVE SECONDS

Robin

The theory
Drunkenly dropped your takeaway on the fastfood resto's floor? Don’t panicas long as you blow off the dust, pick off the hairs and give it a quick wipe within five seconds, you’re good to go.

The facts
“The moment your food falls, bacteria, hair, and other muck will stick straight on it,” says environmental health officer Sarah Daniels. “If you drop a steak at home you could chance it, but if your dog brought muck into your kitchen, that could be your steak. The pavement is even worse. It’s covered in fecal bacteria and nastiness.”

Verdict
FOOD MYTH!


5)   PROTEIN SHAKES MAKE YOUR PENIS SHRINK

Protein

The theory
Big guns = small cock, so put the shaker down and step away from the creatine

The facts
“There’s no correlation between protein intake and the shrinking of the penis,” says dietician and personal trainer Matthew Stark. It’s not all good news, however. “Two things that will directly shrink penis size would be excessive weight gainas this would increase that fat on the mons pubis, making the penis seems smallerand the use of exogenous testosterone or other anabolic steroids,” reveals Stark. So protein shakes won’t give you a teeny weenyjust don’t do it like Lance Armstrong or there will be shrinkage.

Continue reading below ↓

Verdict
FOOD MYTH!


6)   FAT MAKES YOU FAT

Joey

The theory
Fat-laden food turns you into Chubblethorpe McManboobs. They call it “fat” for a reason.

The facts
“There are two main types of fatsaturated, which is bad, and unsaturated, which isn’t,” says Dr. Sneh Khemka. “Eat too much saturated fat and you’re more likely to be overweight and suffer from high cholesterol, which increases your chance of developing heart disease. Because of this, the average man should have no more than 30g of saturated fat a day.” But unsaturated fat is actually healthy. “Good unsaturated options include oily fish, avocados, nuts and seeds.”

Verdict
FOOD MYTH!


7)   YOU CAN IGNORE THE SELL-BY DATE IF YOUR FOOD SMELLS OKAY

food

The theory
Food labels are more just guidelines, really. Proper men use the sniff test.

The facts
“Smelling out-of-date food works for spoilage bacteria, but you cannot smell salmonella, so it could be all over your food and your nose would have no idea,” says environmental health officer Sarah Daniels. “I’d also recommend not eating food after the ‘consume within’ window. Most supermarket food is packed in nitrogen-rich air, because this modified air doesn’t have any oxygen and bacteria needs oxygen to grow. As soon as we open a packet or carton, however, oxygen pours in and bacteria multiply at will, making ‘consume within’ dates crucial.”

Verdict
FOOD MYTH!


8)   ASPARAGUS MAKES YOUR PISS SMELL FUNNY

Asparagus

The theory
Scoff a stick of good old asparagus and your trips to the toilet will produce a funky aroma. Okay, a funkier aroma.

The facts
“It’s very pungent, acrid smell,” says Dr. Malcolm VandenBurg, a consultant pharmaceutical physician (malcolmvandenburg.co.uk). “It is nothing to worry about, though. The body simply extracts chemicals from the asparagus, changes them slightly, and then excretes them via the urine in a form that smells pungently.”

Continue reading below ↓

Verdict
FOOD TRUTH!


9)   GENETICALLY MODIFIED FOOD WILL TURN YOU INTO A MUTANT

TMNT

The theory
Munch on those lab-produced noms and it’ll be a matter of weeks before you turn into that three-eyed fish off of The Simpsons.

The facts
“We have seen an increasing number of studies that indicate signs of ill health from the consumption of GM food,” says Dr. Michael Antoniou, a molecular geneticist and GM expert. “The most recent was completed by Professor Gilles-Eric Seralini, who completed a two-year feeding study in rats. He found signs of serious liver and kidney damage and a number of tumors. The next step should be to complete a similar study with more animals. Until this happens, consumers should be wary of GM foods.”

Verdict
JURY’S OUT!


10)   CHEWING GUM STAYS IN YOUR SYSTEM FOR A LONG TIME

Chew

The theory
This actually happened to someone at our brother’s friend’s cousin’s school, honest! Swallow some gum and it’ll remain in your gut until 2020.

The facts
“This is completely bogus,” says Professor Terence Cosgrove, a chemistry lecturer who invented Revolymer “easy to remove” chewing gum. “It just goes right through your system and is not digested in any way. The danger comes if you swallow 20 to 30 pieces a day. Do that and the doctor will need a drill to get it out.”

Verdict
FOOD MYTH!


11)   CELERY HAS NEGATIVE CALORIES

Celery

The theory
The jaw action required to chomp down celery expends more calories than are contained within the rabbit food, so the more you eat, the thinner you get!

The facts
“No evidence backs this up,” says nutritionist Drew Price. “However, the number of calories we’re talking abouteither gained or lostis so tiny, it’s just not an issue.”

Verdict
FOOD MYTH!


12)   FORTUNE COOKIES COME FROM CHINA

Food

The theory
A long, long time ago in a Chinese kitchen far, far awaywell, in Chinasomeone came up with the idea of encasing a sooth-saying scrap of paper inside a crispy post-dinner snack.

Continue reading below ↓

The facts
“Fortune cookies were originally Japanese senbei [rice crackers] sold in confectionery shops in San Francisco’s Japan Town from the 1920’s,” explains food writer and historian Rachel Laudon. “But when the Japanese living in the States were interned during the Second World War, they had to leave their senbei-making machines behind. Ta-dah! By the end of the war, fortune cookies were Chinese!

Verdict
FOOD MYTH!



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