It’s our favorite time of the year—that’s aside from Christmas and the FHM 100 Sexiest Victory Party; okay, it’s our THIRD favorite time of the year! But who’s counting, right? What’s more important is it’s now February. The love month. The okay-lang-magwaldas-para-sa-date month. The only month men are allowed to be ultra-cheesy.
But do you have any idea HOW to be cheesy? Are you and your girlfriend/missus constantly bickering about your lack of romance? Do you attribute your singlehood to your lack of wooing skills? Well, we’re going to solve these all for you! FHM will be dishing out daily how-to-be-a-Don-Romantiko tips the whole month of February!
Gentlemen, welcome to FHM’s 28 Days Of Romansahan!
DAY #13: CRUCIAL DATING LESSONS FOR GEEKS FROM VIDEO GAMES
Video game protagonists are often more handsome, more macho, and generally more desirable than us, but do they have the right moves as well?
Judging by these memorable dating mini-games within games, yes, they do.
1) Harvest Moon demands that you shower the girl with gifts EVERY DAMN DAY
The set-up: It sounds almost like a teleserye when you describe Harvest Moon’s dating bits: you as the dashing haciendero wooing the sweet lass at the sari-sari store.
The ligawan portion: Eventually, it’ll go all the way to marriage and kids. But just like how it takes a lot of smashing rocks and digging out weeds before you can plant your cash crops, you need to shower your would-be bride with lots of affection–and eggs. Or maybe cabbage and wool. Don’t forget to show her your dog (no, not that one), too. Before you know it, her heart meter will be bright pink and you can give her a Blue Feather, which stands in for an engagement ring in this world.
Signs you're in the friendzone: she's given you nothing but kamatis in return
The part we wish was real: That we actually own land. And that the mayor’s daughters are actually hot and would pay attention to us...
...and that the woman stays sweet even after marriage
Lesson Learned: We don’t give girls eggs in real life, but the important thing is to give presents all the damn time. In Harvest Moon, giving your squeeze a daily gift is the way to go–apply this to life.
Girls always say they don’t want anything–this is true because they actually want everything.
2) Persona 4 encourages you to date multiple girls AND FACE THE CONSEQUENCES
The set-up: Persona 4 is part high-school life simulator and part demon-fighting dungeon crawl.
Weirdly, it’s actually pretty fair to consider the latter the more realistic part, but the super-idealization of dating in Persona is what makes it so great. Almost everyone–from the nerdy music chick, to the tomboy-ish jock girl, to the most popular girl in the school–is available for your super-stud protagonist to court.
Persona 4: The game for those with a fetish for anime girls cuter than real-life girls
The ligawan portion: The dating system is pretty simple–ask them out on days they are free and give the right answers during several multiple-choice moments. Build your relationship, aka Social Link, to the max and eventually they’ll ask to “see your room” which is an amusing code word for sex.
In this episode of In The VIP...
The challenge comes from the amount of time you have in your life–you can only go out with one person per day–and don’t forget the S. Links of everyone else in the game. This is important because higher S. Links means stronger powers in the dungeon crawly bits.
The part we wish was real: You can court and have several girlfriends simultaneously and they will never really have an issue about it. Except on Christmas when you must break all of their cutesy anime hearts in a row except for the one you choose. You monster!
Also useful in real life: clear, visible heart signals to
help us figure out a girl's intentions once and for all.
Lesson learned: Time management is key. You want to max the dates to get to first base soonest, but ignoring everyone else will weaken you when it’s time to fight monsters. In real life, this means don’t forget about your friends while chasing that tail!