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Bar Room Jokes: Since You Weren't Using It

Wise-ass hits and your funniest <em>hirits</em>
| Sep 4, 2013
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A wife comes home early from work only to catch her husband in bed making love to a very attractive young woman.

She cries, “You disrespectful pig! How dare you do this to me! Me, your faithful wife and mother of your children! I want a divorce right away!” The husband hurries to reply, “Hang on just a minute, love! At least let me tell you what happened.” She sobbed, “Go ahead. But those will be the last words you’ll say to me!”

So the husband goes on, “Well, I was about to drive home when this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and defenseless that I took pity on  her and let her in. I noticed that she was very thin, not well-dressed, and quite dirty. She told me she hadn’t eaten for three days. In my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made you last night, which you didn’t eat because you were afraid you’d put on weight. I suggested a shower, threw away her old, dirty clothes, and gave her the designer jeans you’ve had for a few years, which you never wore because you say they were too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don’t wear because I don’t have good taste. Then I gave her the sexy blouse my sister gave you, which you don’t wear to annoy her, and the expensive boots I bought, which you don’t wear because someone has the same pair at work.”

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The husband took a deep breath and continued, “She was so grateful for my help and understanding, that as I walked her to the door, tears welled in her eyes as she asked me, “Please, do you have anything else your wife doesn’t use?”
Laurence Bernabe, by email


Illustration Mikke Gallardo
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