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Here's What We'd Look Like If We Hooked Up Like Animals

Dogs aren't the only ones who know how to have fun.
by Mary Rose A. Hogaza | Sep 8, 2015
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Aside from humans, bonobos and dolphins, there's no other creature in this world that makes love in the name of pleasure. All the other animals? They have sex purely for the purpose of reproduction. It's no wonder then that they're not quite as imaginative as humans when it comes to coming up with sex positions. 

That's not to say though that their positions aren't bizarre.

How bizarre? Mike Trapp of College Humor illustrates this by showing how humans would look like if they had sex like animals. It's pretty bizarre, unsettling, and incredibly hilarious. Have a look!

The she-mantis voraciously eats its partner’s head during or after intercourse. There's a real man-eater.

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2) The preferred sex position for turtles is quite similar to dogs. The process is veeerrryyy sloooow though, which is why the female turtle usually eats and sleeps while the male turtle, erm, races to the finish line.

Worms just line up in a pseudo-"69" manner, attaching themselves together at the "clitella" (the thick light colored band around each worm) for a sexy time.

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4) Frogs' style of reproduction is pretty straightforward. The male mounts the female and fertilizes the eggs as the female releases them. The strange thing? The eggs aren't inside the female.

5) The male dragonfly approaches her mate from behind. To successfully mate, the male must keep his grip on the female using the tip of his tail to literally hook up with her.

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Once the male finds a suitable mate, he bites into her belly and latches on until his body fuses with hers. The two fishes essentially become one. BIZARRE. Romantic but completely BIZARRE.

7) When they mate, slug no. 1 eats slug no. 2's penis. It's kind of like a blowjob, except the slugs literally eat each other's penises off so they can’t fertilize anyone else. They're hermaphrodites, which means they both have penises—penises which grow out of their heads.

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Okay, we'll stop now before things get weirder.

8) Since they're firmly attached to rocks, male barnacles extend their penis so they can find and fertilize distant neighbors. It's like a homing device, which is sorta cool.

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