In news that had us questioning everything about life, a man was caught raping a cow in Cavite.
The WTF incident happened yesterday (March 10) in Barangay Biga Dos, Silang, Cavite. Apparently, barangay officials caught 46-year-old Andy Loyola in the act of doing the nasty with the mammalian herbivore. Previously, the cow's owner, Rustico Sarno, rushed to the barangay hall to report that the animal was missing. Town officials then searched for the cow, only to find Loyola humping it.
The poor cow (Image via ABSCBNnews.com)
Loyola was reported to be high as a kite when he was caught, which probably explains the sick deed (because we'd like to believe that no sane man will do such thing). As proof, officials seized various drug paraphernalia from the suspect. For his actions, Loyola is now detained at the Silang municipal jail facing charges of violating Republic Act 8485 a.k.a. the Animal Welfare Act.
And it gets more bizarre: Officials say this isn't the first time Loyola molested an animal. Also, the owner believes that his cow is pregnant but claims that it didn't have sex with bulls prior to the incident. Dundundun...
Some of you might find the whole thing laughable but, mind you, this is no joke. Rape is the product of uncontrolled lust and, as such, it's important that we be able to keep it in check. So, the next time you feel that your urge is reaching max level, be sure to hold it down and keep it in, unless you want to follow the footsteps of Mr. Loyola.
If you're having a hard time though, we offer a few boner-removing tips!
THINK OF THE MOST DISGUSTING THING YOU CAN EVER THINK OF
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The following nasties come to mind: poop, cockroaches, all the stuff you see in your fridge that you haven't cleaned out in years.
THINK OF THE HEADLINES
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Do you want to be a headline because of your raging libido? We thought so.
THINK OF PRISON
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If the thought of cold steel bars doesn't do it for you, then maybe the idea of you being the bitch of your fellow inmates will.
THINK OF YOUR MANOY BEING CUT OFF
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Nothing like the mental image of your decapitated schlong to douse cold water on your hot blood.
THINK OF THE DISEASES YOU MIGHT GET
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It only takes one incident of sexual intercourse to infect your body with a nasty STD. Then your prick will fall off.
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Instead of sexually assaulting an unwilling victim—may it be an animal or a human--why not just use all that pent-up heat in kicking your opponents ass and getting and insane kill-death ratio in DoTA?