Time to face reality, gents—you live in ever more confusing times, relationship-wise. Let’s not even get into the intricacies of Tinder and the ethics of sexy Snapchats, we’re zeroing in on the fact that the ladies you wine and dine today are no longer the chicks your dad and lecherous titos schooled you about in your salad days of frequent beerhouse visits.
Well, for one, you actually wine and dine them, not just with the sole aim of 69-ing them, but because they actually know good food and wine and know how to stimulate your more sophisticated senses (aka not just the carnal one) with decent conversation. You come away from a date with (hopefully) more than just a steamy makeout sesh, you actually learn shit from her. When your friends ask if that girl you’re dating is pretty and you answer “Well, matalino siya…” it’s not a pampalubag-loob or a self-deprecating joke—it’s actually true and you’re pretty chuffed about that.
It may have only taken you centuries of evolution to realize this, but hey, who knew smart girls were sexy and extremely date-able, right? You actually start to not care that she knows more about local politics and can craft an extremely witty tweet about Duterte that puts all your corny jokes to shame—a smart lady on your arm makes you look and feel smarter by default. You no longer need to read every frigging news article in the morning to know what’s up.
But more maddeningly, enticingly complex than the smart girl is the formerly-elusive-but-thankfully-now-thriving “Girl With Diskarte.” This woman will never ask you to buy her that expensive bag she is lusting over (and be more than willing to slake yours to satisfy hers), she’s probably already put one on layaway from the IG reseller she found. Heck, maybe she’s the IG reseller, putting her addiction to the finer things in life to good (and profitable) use. The Girl With Diskarte might not be down to hang and sit beside you while you down a bucket or ten with your buds on a Friday night, because she’s already booked doing that events hosting/photography/cupcake making gig she’s started on the side to fund her wanderlust/insurance policy/need for new shoes/all of the above.
She’s more likely to be found hanging at bazaars she’s organized or fundraising she’s spearheaded than on your arm or on your every word while she gazes at your adoringly (so much for arm-candy for your ego). When she says she’s busy, it’s because she’s truly, irrevocably busy being Boss Woman of Her Own Life and not because she’s making pakipot hoping you’ll miss her. But damn it, you miss her anyway—you miss her because she’s out being awesome. And being awesome without you, mind—a thrilling yet scarily foreign concept that’s got you hooked. And got you rethinking how you waste, er, spend your free time playing on your Xbox while she’s out Getting Her Shit Together. Or doing Cross-Fit. (Do you even lift?)
Now, we’re not saying that this New Pinay is a new concept—ladies existing to make a success out of their own lives more than a success of your dating game have been around forever. Maybe you’ve just finally cottoned on to the sheer attractiveness of it all. Or maybe this current crop of girls, by virtue of millennial resourcefulness and Internet pop culture, have finally come closer to achieving the Myth of the Perfect Woman: part Beyonce boss-bitch attitude, part Taylor Swift perky cuteness with a bite, part Kendall Jenner landi. Basically, Anne Curtis. Or Jennylyn Mercado.
But here’s the real secret behind why your girlfriend (or girlfriend peg) is more superhero than sex bimbo (and may womankind forgive us for revealing it): They’re having way too much fun doing all that shit, from Cross-Fit to cross-stitch, for themselves, that they don’t really give two F’s if you find them hot while doing it. And of course male creatures, ever the contrarians, find that hot in itself. To the point that you call yourself a feminist. (Cue collective laughter of every single female, ever).
Yet of course, since women are nice people, they recognize the conundrum this leaves you—how do you be with a woman who, well, pretty much doesn’t need you to make them feel pretty/sexy/smart? How do you impress a woman who’s got her own awesome stories of solo travel/closing down the bar to tell? And how do you deal with that creeping unease that hey, maybe you’re not good enough to date her since she’s so…cool?
First things first: Let her do her thing. It’s what got you so interested in her in the first place, right? If you love that she’s always on the go, don’t whine that she doesn’t have time for you. She’ll make time if she’s really that into you, dude. Don’t be clingy. "Nag-girlfriend pa ako, di ko naman nakakasama palagi," you say? Wow bro, needy much?
And there’s absolutely no need to be a doormat “supportive boyfriend,” being her default taga-hatid/sundo and forever taga-salo. Do your own thing. Don’t you always say you wish you had more time to play ball with your boys? Now you have time to do it. Or you know, actually spend your time wisely, which brings us to the next point:
Don’t let her Got Her Shit Together life threaten you—let it challenge you. Always wanted to go back to school/finish Final Fantasy all over again/start a shoe porn IG account? Do it. Walang basagan ng trip—think of the epic Monday night-date conversation you’ll have recounting her weekend cosplaying at the Star Wars premiere while you fulfilled your lifelong dream running your first marathon (kahit 5-K lang, pwede na!) And as for impressing her—you wouldn’t have to, if you naturally work or “click.” (Pro-tip, though—power women are still women. Never underestimate the power of pa-simpleng landi, like a random surprise cup of coffee when she’s had a stressful day. They’re still human, not robots).
But most of all: Never, ever try to change her back into a simpering bimbo just because her awesomeness threatens your machismo. It takes a real man to date a real woman, is what these ladies choose to believe. If you’d rather waste your energy on the unenlightened sisters who think butter is a carb (and not in an ironic way), go ahead. But remember how cool it was when Barney threw away the Playbook and got with Robin? There's your #relationshippeg.
Have no idea who Barney is? Research pa more, pare. Research pa more. (Then read this article again.)