Whether you take the jeepney, tricycle, bus, or MRT to take you wherever you need to go, things can get pretty gnarly along your daily commute. Or have you forgotten? You're in the Philippines.
The weather, the traffic, other hot-headed commuters—every day is a trip to Mordor/some post-apocalyptic wasteland when commuting in our country. But what choice have we?
All we can really do is prepare, and hope for the best. So, armed with vast experience and knowledge on Pinoy-style gitgitan, tulakan, and unahan, that's exactly what we'll try to help you with today.
Here, we were able to prepare the Pinoy commuter's survival kit. Arm yourselves, men. "He who comes to battle unprepared, books himself a ticket straight to hell," a wise man once said. (That's us. We're the wise man.)
1) Steel toe boots
Don't wear your fancy boat shoes, your Jordans, or your classy brogues. They're pretty...pretty fun to step on, that is! Instead, go for industrial-strength boots—the kind that breaks hollow blocks in half. It'll save your toes in case a sumo wrestler attempts to step on your foot in the train.
2) Your lolo's cane
The movie Kingsman made canes cool again. Sure, you'll look like a hipster. But you'll also deter jeepney snatchers from swooping down on your bag. They know the baston means business. The only problem you have now is how you can sneak it inside the train station.
3) The toughest jeans you can get
Get them Levi's, bro. People will tug, scratch, pull on you a million times in the course of one trip. Lesser jeans will be destroyed with great ease.
4) A Robin Padilla-style leather jacket
Not only will you look like Binoe, the leather jacket will also cushion you as you cut through the huge rush hour crowds at train stations. Goodbye, arm bruises. (And hello, body sweat!)
5) A mini med-kit
No one knows what might happen on this everyday Death March so always bring band-aids and pain-killers. Soothe the headache caused by that smelly man with the pop of an aspirin.
6) Surgical masks
They're trendy in Japan. They could be very practical here where pollution levels in EDSA shoot up to the moon.
Dude! We're in a tropical country. Get with the program!
8) Chewing gum
For extra cool effect.
9) Instant Pogi Recovery Pack
You've arrived at your destination. Congratulations, now you look and smell like crap. Head straight to the nearest comfort room, and bust out the following items that we hope you've prepared:
a) Alcohol. "Ewwwww! So dumi in the train!" says your inner conyo.
b) An extra shirt. Your shirt is probably drenched thanks to that leather jacket you've been wearing.
c) Facial wash. Get that dirt and grime off your face or risk an explosion of pimples the next day.
d) Perfume. Freshened up? Finish it off with your favorite scent, and make people believe you've been riding Uber all day.
GIFs via Giphy.com, Images via Aliexpress.com